Coming To Terms
by theresatheresa20
Summary: He made excuses for her behavior, telling their friends and family that she was dealing with it her way. In reality she just avoided everything, including him, but he had let her because having what was left of her was better than not having her at all.
1. Chapter 1

Glee and its characters are not mine.

* * *

Puck groaned as he rolled over, wiping his eyes while trying to focus on the clock. 3:33, only an hour since the last time he checked. He sat up and swung his feet off the edge of the bed, getting up to grab a glass of water. Well that, and to make sure she had passed out in an appropriate place this time.

He entered their small kitchen to find the usual suspects, an empty glass and uncapped prescription bottle. Tonight it had been vodka and Halcion, an improvement from the gin and Ambien she had used the previous night. He could see she had slowly made her way in the living room, her shoes and sweater creating a path that led to the couch.

He sighed when he found her, strung out on the sofa with one leg on and the other dangling lifelessly. Her head was resting at an angle and he gently shifted her so she wouldn't have any pain when she awoke. Not that she would actually feel it, seeing as she would begin her daily regimen of pain killers and wine, but still. The TV reflected off her small face, the colors drowning out her pale complexion. A few strands of tangled blonde locks framed her cheeks, and he pushed them back to see the scar along her hairline. He felt an ache in his chest as he ran his finger along it, memories haunting them both that neither one could seem to escape. Well, she did temporarily, but he knew that even before she opened her eyes it was always the first thing she saw.

He softly placed his hand on her chest, knowing she's alright but making sure because lately he could never tell. He finally found a slow but steady pulse and breathed a sigh of relief, even though Puck knew a heartbeat didn't mean you were alive. He lightly pulled her socks back on, knowing how cold she got at night, and gently slid her leg on the couch. He grabbed the blanket to cover her frail and tiny body, tucking it under her to make sure it stayed in place. He flicked off the TV and gently kissed her cold forehead, making his way to their bed to sleep alone.

Things hadn't always been this way, she hadn't always been that way. Once upon a time they had been happy, and not just because they had been forced together in high school, but true happiness. Puck climbed back in bed as her laugh echoed in his mind, faint just like her heartbeat. He thought about who she used to be, and began counting how many days it had been since he'd seen her smile. Her eyes were lifeless, her smile nonexistent, and Puck knew the only reason she stayed was because she had nowhere else to go.

He had loved Quinn with every beat his broken heart took, but he didn't know if she felt the same anymore. She had once told him that loving meant you were breathing, and lately she had found that hard to do. The ache in her chest and the hole in her heart made life unbearable and sometimes she had wished to fall asleep and never wake up. Of course he had just chalked it up to drunken rants and drug induced rambles, yet somewhere beneath the Jack and pills laid the truth that Puck couldn't accept. He made excuses for her behavior, telling their friends and family that she was dealing with it her way. In reality she just avoided everything, including him, but he had let her because having what was left of her was better than not having her at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Huge thanks to **chelle2911 **for pointing out that it said complete. DEFINITELY NOT COMPLETE and I'm really sorry for the mix-up! Its my next little Puck and Quinn story, so read and review! Let me know what you think, thanks so much!

* * *

Puck stared at the alarm as it rang, not having slept for the past hour. He didn't really sleep anyways, his nights more like a series of power naps until he was rested. He pressed the off button and got up, heading to the bathroom to get ready for work. As he grabbed his razor from the medicine cabinet he noticed a few orange medicine bottles were scattered, opened and tipped over with not a one of them containing a thing. He sighed while he chunked them in the trash, wondering if she would be upright before he left for work.

He walked into the living room to find his answer, not having budged from where he had left her. He hadn't expected anything different, going about his daily routine while trying to find something she could have for lunch. Quinn didn't really eat, merely munching on random bits of food here and there to keep her sturdy for her next binger. He finally got his things together and was ready to leave, stopping for a moment to say goodbye to her.

"Quinn," he whispered in her ear, lightly running his hands across her cheek. She didn't stir, completely unconscious and content. He gently kissed her forehead before retightening her covers, deciding he would leave her a note instead.

* * *

The phone rang. And rang. And rang. Puck had been calling all morning, trying to get a hold of Quinn and remind her about their therapy appointment. He had been unsuccessful, groaning as he left yet another message he knew she wouldn't hear.

Therapy had been a joke to her. It had been a joke to him to really, Puck not one for the whole "sharing and caring" shit. He went though, every week he would suck it up and go, because the slim chance of saving his marriage to Quinn was more important than his pride. Quinn however went for one reason and one reason only: refills. Quinn knew she could always get refills on her prescriptions if she was pathetic enough. At first she had been subtle about it, playing along and acting out her part as a broken woman, but pretty soon though she just began demanding more medicine. She would claim that they weren't working or that she had a "bad week," always able to manipulate their therapist into another prescription. Puck and her had argued about it in the beginning, him calling her addicted while she called him heartless. He had soon after given up, finding that she wouldn't come home when he argued with her.

He decided he'd leave work early, go back to his house and pick her up, that way he could be sure she was awake and coherent for their counseling. He grabbed his keys and heading to his truck, hoping that maybe, just maybe Quinn had a good day, but knowing he was stupid for wishing something so ridiculous.

* * *

"So, how are we this week?"

The two sat side by side while their therapist began her interrogation. Puck and Quinn had barely made it on time, seeing as Puck had to literally drag her out of bed and force her clothes on. Quinn had grumbled and fought him the whole time, whining that she was tired and just needed to sleep it off.

"Fine," she answered while forcing a smile, "we're just fine." Puck turned to look at her, wondering if Quinn honestly believed herself. He wondered if she even knew she had a problem, or if she had just gotten so sick that she had now convinced herself she was in fact ok. He had always wanted to bust her out, scream the truth about her addictions and drinking, but he feared that if he did they would take her away again.

"Really?" their doctor asked while leaning back, "and Noah, how are you?" Puck groaned a little, hating having to "open up" and "express himself" to someone he didn't even fucking know.

"I'm alright," he said while avoiding her eyes, "just a tough week."

Hm," she said while looking at the two, "I see." He knew they weren't convincing anybody, anyone with eyes able to see how damaged they were, but neither one could actually admit the truth.

"Look, I've had enough of this," their therapist snapped while sitting up, "Guys I cant help you if you come in here and don't talk to each other." She looked between the two, Quinn rolling her eyes while Puck shifted his feet.

"I cant help you talk things through when you guys don't talk at all. You two realize your paying for silence right? Now I can help you, I can help you two move past this tragedy, but you have to help me do that. So again, how are you?" Puck looked over to Quinn, finding her shuffling her hands anxiously while avoiding his gaze. He contemplated breaking down and being honest, maybe the truth finally able to save her. He then thought about how terrified she had been the last time they had put her in rehab and how she had cried and begged him to let her stay, tears running down her face while they put her in the car.

"Please!" she had pleaded while they pushed her in the car, "I'll be good I swear! Puck please don't make me go, I don't wanna go! I'll go to therapy and I'll finally let you move the stuff out, but please don't make me go! Please!"

"Noah? Noah?" he heard, shaking his thoughts and looking to see their therapist, "I said, how are you?"

"Fine," he lied again while looking at Quinn, "really…we're just fine."


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks again for the great reviews! And I know, their moment was so cute last episode! Anyways I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and keep reading and reviewing!

Puck awoke startled, shooting up as he heard the sound of glass shattering.

"Quinn!" he called, jumping out of his bed and opening the door, "Quinn!" He made his way down the hall, his wife nowhere in sight. He walked through his living room and into the kitchen, wondering where the hell she was and what she had gotten into now. He sighed as he turned, thinking maybe he had passed her in the bathroom or something. As he headed back down the hall he saw the other bedroom door open, his stomach dropping as he realized what she was doing.

"Quinn," he said as he pushed it open, the room completely dark except for the little sliver of light that shined under the closet door. He walked over and opened it up, Quinn on the floor and surrounded by boxes. She was obviously blitzed, the sight of a empty clear bottle laying beside her his first clue, and he watched as she wobbled side to side.

"Quinn, you can't-" he stopped abruptly as he saw blood trickling through her fingers, having been cut from the broken glass on an old frame.

"Quinn what happened?" he asked frantically, squatting down and grabbing her hand.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, staring down blankly at the picture in her hands.

"Quinn let me see it," he said while motioning for her hand, "you might need stitches."

"I'm fine!" she snapped, jerking away while still clinging to the frame, "Just go away and leave me alone." Puck groaned, not in the mood for rehashing old memories but knowing she was hurt. He got up and went into the bathroom, grabbing a couple of bath towels and peroxide before returning. He joined her again on the floor, softly grabbing her wounded hand and beginning to clean it off.

"You shouldn't be in here," he murmured, wiping the blood off so he could see the cut, "you know it only hurts you more."

"Better than feeling nothing," she whispered, her comment stinging him a bit. They continued to sit in silence, Quinn still staring at her photo while Puck bandaged her hand.

"There, I'm finished," he said as he rested her hand on her lap, Quinn muttering a quick thanks as he stood up.

"Quinn come on, you don't need to dwell in here any longer."

"Dwell?" she asked while looking up, "You think I'm just dwelling?"

"I'm not doing this with you," Puck said while shaking his head, "Its late, I'm tired, and you're gone." He heard her laugh while he opened the door, raising her voice to hurt him again.

"That's right sweetie, walk away, it's what your best at." Puck knew she didn't mean it, she never really meant it, and he tried to shrug it off casually.

"I mean your old man did it, why would you end up any different?" Puck stopped abruptly, her insult hitting him hard and making his fists clench.

"And as long as we don't talk about it and pretend like nothing ever happened, you get to move on and act as if everything's fine." Puck had finally had enough, spinning around and flinging the door open.

"I don't wanna talk? I'm pretending nothing happened? I'm sorry, but which one of us is paying a therapist to listen to our problems? Oh, that's me. Which one of us is actually sober when we go? Me, right? And which of us is moping around everyday and ignoring reality with pills? Me-wait, no, I'm sorry but that's you." Quinn slung the frame in her hand against the wall, pulling herself up clumsily and storming towards him.

"Well maybe it's the only way I know how to get through this ok?" she yelled while pushing him, "You don't understand-"

"Don't you dare!" Puck shouted, "Don't you dare say that I don't understand, you're not the only one trying to move on. In fact you don't try to get over it, you're too busy drowning in a box of old photographs to see anything else!"

"I can't move on!" she screamed, "I can't move on and you know, I don't want to! How am I supposed to go on with life when I know I'm missing the best part of me? How can you Puck?"

"Because I know we have to keep going, we have to move past this Quinn! We're still here, we still have lives and despite how hard it is, we have to keep living them-"

"Well I can't," she said as she shoved past him, "I can't just move on and let go." Puck watched as she left the room, hearing his bedroom door slam shut before turning to the closet. Quinn had rug out every picture and item she could find, anything with their happier memories attached. He saw the bloodied frame in the corner and picked it up, wondering which one of the photographs had been so special.

It was the park, everyone having gathered there for Rachel's birthday. Finn had thrown a huge party for her which had ended up as a reunion, all he friends from high school gathering together for the first time in three years. He saw the group huddles together behind the broken glass, all their faces smiling and waving. He lightly ran his finger over her face, feeling hot tears as he remembered that the accident had happened just days after the picture had been taken.

He shook his head quickly, images flashing in his mind that he couldn't deal with. He threw the photos and memorabilia back in the box, shoving it high on the shelf where he knew it needed to stay. Maybe Quinn was right, maybe Puck did have a hard time with his feelings, but it was better than not acknowledging them at all. He quickly shut off the light and closed the closet back, hurrying out of the bedroom and slamming the door. He hated going in there, time seeming to stand still when he did, and he hurried to his bedroom to try and sleep.

He could hear Quinn's light breathing as he crawled in, shifting uncomfortably beside her. Even though she had hurt him and he was furious with her, Puck liked the idea of her laying beside him. Next to each other, side by side, and yet his wife couldn't have been any father away. He turned his head and watched her sleep, wishing and praying that they could move on, the both of them unable to live with their loss.


	4. Chapter 4

I had serious writer's block for about a week and I'm so sorry I got slack, but here's the next chapter! Things are slowly piecing together and we'll find out more soon, so read and review and let me know what you think! Thanks again!

* * *

Puck folded the small red shirt in his hands carefully, lightly placing it inside the suitcase as he began pulling the zipper. All the toiletries were in the smaller bag, along with a few pairs of socks and shoes. He ran threw the list he had in his head, checking off each item before grabbing the luggage and setting it in the living room.

Quinn had left that morning, gone to who knows where and doing God knows what, so Puck sat on the couch and waited patiently for her arrival. He had been brainstorming all morning, trying to think of a way to tell her. He didn't know what he would say or how to approach it, but he knew that she would hate him more than she already did.

He heard the door open an hour later, Quinn walking in quietly. She didn't seem to be drunk, her actions controlled, and he wondered where she had been. She turned to head down the hall, stopping abruptly when she saw Puck on the couch.

"Hi," she murmured, standing awkwardly while shifting her feet, "I was out to…"

"I don't need to know," Puck said, standing and preparing to break the news.

"Well I'm just-" she stopped mid-sentence when she saw the suitcase, turning to Puck frantically and shaking her head.

"Puck, I-"

"You're going back Quinn," he said calmly, "I can't take care of you anymore."

"Please, wait!" she said as tears streamed down her face, "Please don't send me back-"

"You have to Quinn, you need help," he said as he grabbed her suitcase, "I've tried and tried but you keep fighting me on everything-"

"I'm fighting you? No I'm not, Puck please don't make me go! I swear I'll get better, I'll change-"

"I know, because you're going back to rehab." He opened the front door and made his way down the drive, trying not to let her pleas change his mind.

"Puck please, please!" she continued to cry, following him down the drive as he packed his truck, "I'll do whatever you want me to, just don't make me go away again!"

"Quinn I can't keep living like this anymore! You aren't gonna get better or change if I don't do this."

"I will, I swear!" Her actions had become erratic, Quinn bouncing back and forth between unloading her suitcase from his truck and trying to grab Puck's face.

"Quinn I don't want you to go!" he said as he shook her, "But I don't know what else to do, I don't have any other option and I won't sit around and watch you kill yourself!"

"You won't have to, I'll quit ok? Please, we can make this work, I'll change I'll change right now!" He shook his head as he walked her back to the passenger side, opening the door up once more and motioning for her to get in.

"We can fix us, our marriage and everything, but please let me stay with you!"

"Now you wanna fix us?" he asked sadly, "That's your bargain, I'm your last resort?" He shook his head as Quinn tried to argue, refusing to get inside the vehicle as Puck pushed her.

"Please, I'm begging you, I'll do whatever you want!" she said desperately, her hands tugging on his shirt while pulling him closer.

"Quinn-"

"Let's talk about it!" she said suddenly, "Can we please just talk about it for once?" He felt himself grow uncomfortable, Quinn really resorting to anything to avoid rehab.

"You're not gonna use her as an excuse to stay home," he said lowly, "You can't do that."

"That's what this is all about isn't it?" Quinn shouted, "That's why we're here, that's why I'm this way-"

"You're this way because you're sick and you can't deal-"

"I'm this way because she's gone Puck! God can you even say her name?" He shook his head as she waited for his response, moving past her and heading inside for her other bag.

"I won't do this with you," he said flatly, "I-"

"And here we are again, you avoiding everything while I'm the crazy one!" He walked back inside, Quinn following closely behind and yelling.

"I mean here I am, standing in front of you, willing to talk about it and you keep shutting me off!"

"Because you're using it as an excuse!" he screamed back, "You're using her death as a reason to act this way-"

"-it is the reason I'm this way!" Tears streamed down her face as he breathed deeply, wishing she would just shut up and get in his truck.

"Quinn-"

"You think I like who I am?" she asked sadly, "You think I like the way I act? I can't stand it Puck, I hate who I've become-"

"-then change-"

"- I can't," she whispered, "Because when I'm sober she's all I think about, day in and day out. It hurts to think about her Puck, it kills me."

"How do you think I feel?" he asked angrily, "I'm going through everything you are, but I'm not drunk all the time-"

"-because you pretend nothing happened," Quinn interrupted, "You think that by putting her pictures away and closing her bedroom off that we can pretend nothing happened and that she's just off at summer camp. She's not Puck, she's dead, and she isn't coming back to us, ever." Puck could feel his eyes growing hot, wishing he had never even started this whole thing.

"Puck I got up this morning and there was blood covering my hand," Quinn said as she showed him her palm, "and I got so scared because I didn't even know what had happened. I couldn't remember getting hurt, or last night, or even last week." He watched as she sat down on the couch, wiping her face on her sleeve as she breathed slowly.

"I knew I was ok though, because you always take care of me. No matter what you always make sure I'm safe-"

"-I can't keep doing it anymore Quinn," he said exhausted, "I can't keep sleeping with one eye open just in case you drown in the tub-"

"-I know that," she said softly, "But I can't do this without you and it took getting scared to make me see it. I know I've been horrible to you, and I've said terrible things to you, but I need you so much. I don't want to go to rehab and be alone. They don't understand Puck, they don't know how I feel, only you do and you won't talk with me about it."

"Quinn I go to therapy and I do the bullshit meetings-"

"-you only go because you're there to fix my problems," she interrupted, "because you don't think we have any."

"I moved on Quinn, I got over it-"

"-just because you block out a memory doesn't mean it isn't there." He heard Quinn move off the couch and stand behind him, resting her hand on his back.

"Do you even remember that day?" Puck closed his eyes, still able to hear the crunch of metal and glass.

"Of course Quinn, but I can't dwell-"

-its not dwelling!" she insisted, "Its confronting it so we can move on." He felt her hand slide and saw her stand in front of him, her eyes red and puffy and her face wet.

"I promise from here on out that I won't do anymore bad stuff," she said childishly, Puck wanting to smile at how innocent she looked, "but you have to promise that you'll stop ignoring everything, and that we'll work through this together." Puck watched as she wrapped her tiny hand around his, holding onto him and praying he'd agree.

"Please?" she asked again, "Please Puck? For me, for us...for our daughter."


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks again for the great comments! Keep reading and reviewing and let me know what you think! Thanks again!

* * *

Puck quickly grabbed the towel from under the sink, his stomach turning at the sound of Quinn's vomit hitting the bathroom floor. It was day three of her detox, Quinn's withdrawals taking its toll on her and Puck. She had refused to go to the hospital for fear of being thrown back in rehab so Puck had agreed to let her stay home, on the condition that Tina could come over and help him. She had been working as a nurse for a little over a year at the local hospital and Puck knew if he could trust anyone it was her.

"Come on Quinn, get it out," she was saying as she pulled Quinn's hair back, her frail frame finally reaching the commode as she heaved again.

"Here, wipe her forehead off with this," Puck said as he handed her the cold wash cloth, "I'm gonna get a mop and get that up." He made his way to the kitchen, sighing as he rifled through their pantry. He couldn't lie, he was more than thrilled to see her getting herself together, but the constant twenty four hour watch they were on was more than grueling. If she wasn't getting sick she was trembling, suffering from high fevers and cold chills. Puck made sure to always be by her side no matter what though, going to stick to his word as long as she stuck with hers. Tina there helped to, his friend having changed her shifts to nights so Puck could work during the day and then swap with her when he was done. He had been unable to express how thankful he was to have her by his side, knowing she was sacrificing her time with Artie for a few hours of upchucking.

"I've got her in the tub," he heard her say as she entered the kitchen, "She kept complaining about the vomit in her hair so I figured we could at least let her feel pretty." Puck chuckled as she rested on the counter beside him, her hands resting in the pockets of her scrubs.

"Tina I can't thank you enough," he said softly, grabbing the mop and bucket as he turned to face her, "I mean really, I wouldn't have known what do without you."

"Well I'm glad you trusted me enough to call," she smiled back, "Detox can be dangerous and I'm glad you didn't let your Puckerman pride get in the way and make you try this alone. " He jokingly booed her as she grabbed her purse, making a list of things for him to watch out for and do in the next few hours.

"As of now she's doing fine, her heart rate isn't elevated and her trembling has stopped. The next part is the trickiest because its no longer physical really, more emotional and mental. She's gonna get cranky and mean, and she's gonna start begging you for just one little sip. DO NO GIVE IN, understood?" Puck nodded as she jotted down her numbers for the third time, smiling as she handed him the paper.

"Now you call me whenever ok? Seriously, if its even the littlest thing you need to call me, I don't wanna play around on this alright?"

"Yes ma'am," Puck said as he hugged her, "and again, thank you."

"Not a problem, I'll see you in the morning," she said sweetly, giving him a wave before heading out.

"Tell Artie I said hey!"

"Will do!" Puck grabbed the mop and bucket, heading down the hall and into the bathroom for find Quinn in the tub.

"How you feeling?" he asked as he began cleaning up the floor, Quinn nodding her head as she splashed water on her shoulders.

"Better," she mumbled, leaning against the side of the tub to watch him.

"Tina said this part should be over soon," he said optimistically, trying to offer her some kind of good news despite her current position.

"Good, I don't know how much more puke your gonna be able to handle," she said weakly.

"Oh my God, did you just make a joke?" Puck asked in shock, setting the mop beside the sink as he knelt down, "I mean was that humor I just heard?" Quinn rolled her eyes as he continued to pick on her, brushing the wet locks out of her face while trying to cheer her up.

"Ha ha I get it, I'm not very funny," she muttered, rolling her eyes as he chuckled. He continued to push aside her hair, the scar on her forehead showing through and causing Puck to flinch as he ran his finger over it.

"Sorry," he murmured quickly, jerking his hand down by his side.

"Its ok," she whispered, taking her own hand and running it over his shoulder, "its no worse than yours." Puck felt uncomfortable once again, knowing he had promised to talk about things but praying it didn't have to be now.

"Well I'm gonna finish that-"

"How come you flinch every time I touch it," she asked as she pushed up his sleeve, "Like it scares you to acknowledge it-"

"It does scare me Quinn," he admitted as he pushed her hand away, "I don't like thinking about it-"

"Well you promised me you would," she said as she shifted in the water, "You promised you'd help me through it if I did all this-"

"And I will," he said reassuringly, "but right now-"

"Couldn't be a better time," she said as she motioned to her tub, "I don't have anywhere to be." Puck stared at her pleadingly, not understanding what there was to discuss.

"What do you want to talk about Quinn? What is there to say?" Puck asked agitated, "I mean what do we have to work through-"

"Do you blame me?" she asked sharply, growing more bold than he'd seen her in months, "Do you blame me for it?" Puck stared at her in disbelief, wondering how the hell she had landed on that.

"Quinn it was an accident," he said slowly, "I could never-"

"Because I do, everyday." Puck watched as she turned away, tears rolling down her cheeks as he remembered that day. He could still smell the mix of blood and gasoline, the very thought of it making him sick. He had tried desperately to save them, but he had been unable to and the scar was his constant reminder.

_"Quinn I said you could test-drive my new truck, not bull doze the neighborhood!"_

_"Ok that squirrel came out of nowhere, how was I to know he'd jump in front of the truck!" Puck laughed as she spun her tiny hands around the wheel, turning into the school parking lot and shutting the truck off._

_"Cadence is going to freak when she see's this!" Quinn chuckled._

_"Yeah, she does have an appreciation for good trucks," Puck joked as he leaned back in his seat._

_"One Tonka truck and suddenly she's a fanatic," Quinn murmured, shaking her head as she stared out of the window._

_"I know, I totally raised her right," he replied coolly, winking as she playfully smacked him._

_"Could you please let my little girl be a little girl?" Quinn asked frustrated, "You get to have this one to shove all your boyish ways on!" Puck grinned as he patted her swollen stomach, looking back to the window as the kids began exiting the school._

_"Now which set of blonde curls is our set of blonde curls?" he asked himself, tapping the window when he spotted her, "Aha!" He and Quinn got out, walking up to the schools steps as their six year old came barreling towards them._

_"Daddy!" she squealed, jumping into his arms as he swung her around._

_"What's up monster?" he asked while he tickled her, the small child laughing as she swatted him with her stuffed lamb and reached for her mom._

_"Save me mama, save me!" Quinn grabbed her and placed her on her hip, pecking her cheek as the little girl patted her mother's belly._

_"How's Max doing?" Quinn groaned as they headed to the truck, smacking her husband again as she buckled Cadence in on his side._

_"I cant believe you let her play that dumb video game with you," she said through clenched teeth, "You know if we don't name this baby Max Payne she is gonna be p-i-s-s-e-d."_

_"A, that game is not dumb, and B, Max is a kick ass name!" Quinn growled as he cursed, Cadence giggling as he covered his mouth._

_"I mean, you know." Quinn hopped back up in the driver's side, starting the truck and taking them home._

_"Well I'm not fond of it-"_

_"Well I am!"_

_"Me too!" Cadence chimed in, Puck high fiving her as she laughed._

_"You two I swear, it's like having two-" Quinn never finished her sentence as a van running a red light slammed into the family's truck, sending them into oncoming traffic and knocking Puck out completely._

_When he opened his eyes he saw the sky, the clouds passing slowly and blurring in his vision. He tried to move but he realized he was pinned down, attached to a stretcher as they checked his wounds._

_"Sir? Can you hear me? Sir? Please answer!" His mind was fuzzy and his body throbbed, Puck trying to push himself up to get to his family._

_"M-my daughter," he choked out, blood trickling from his lips as he shot his hand up, "I-I need to get her m-my wife is pregnant, please help m-me." The paramedic above him simply shook her head, sticking something in his arms as she placed pressure on his side._

_"Sir we need to get you to a hospital now, the others are working on your family-"_

_"A-are they ok?" he bit out, his throat raw as he coughed on glass._

_"Sir I need you to focus, please-"_

_"ARE THEY OK?" he shouted, pulling at the wires attached to him and moving his head._

_"Sir please-"_

_"QUINN!" he cried out, "QUINN! CADENCE! QUINN!" Tears streamed down his face as he shouted for his family, receiving no response as he screamed._

_"Please-"_

_"Tell me something, anything!" The young paramedic looked down at him, her eyes filled with tears as she answered._

_"Your wife is on her way to the ER. I'm not sure of her condition but I know she cracked her head open on the windshield and was pushed into the steering wheel. They're trying to make sure they deliver the baby safely as well as keeping your wife out of danger."_

_"M-my little girl," he bit out, "w-where is she?" The paramedic looked away, the tears in her eyes now trickling down her face._

_"H-have you seen her? She's six and her name is Cadence," he continued, knowing what her face said but praying he had read it wrong, "S-she has blonde hair and b-big green eyes, I have a picture just g-grab my wallet." The paramedic stepped away as she sobbed, leaning back down to Puck as she placed something soft in his hands._

_"I-I'm sorry sir, your little girl didn't make it," she said as she placed a soft stuffed lamb in his hands, the words still haunting Puck every day._

"Puck? Puck? Puck!"

He shook his head, Quinn's call awakening him from his memories. He looked at her and then towards her stomach, the scar underneath her belly button visible beneath the water.

"Please," he said softly, fighting back tears as she grabbed his hand, "Just give me another day." Quinn nodded as he stood up and headed into his bedroom, sitting on his bed as he held on to one stuffed little lamb.


	6. Chapter 6

Once again, I had a little block when it came to writing this chapter. I know where the story is heading, I just have so much that its hard to get it down into chapters! I am sorry it took so long though, and I hope you enjoy the update! I know, every chapter is more and more dramatic, but things are picking up and WILL get better for them I promise! Thanks again for reading and reviewing, keep it up and let me know what you think!

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Puck squinted while he rolled over, his hand shielding his eyes as he awoke. A bright light was blaring from somewhere in the house, the glow shining down the hall and into his bedroom. Confused and still half asleep, Puck reached to ask Quinn what the hell was going on only to find her side of the bed empty. He sat up as he tried to think of where she was, a clanging in the kitchen bolting him up. He knew that sound, knew what the tinkle of glass against the counter sounded like. For the past few years it had only meant one thing, and Puck hurried down the hall while praying he was wrong.

The past couple of weeks had been rough, Quinn going through a roller coaster of emotions as she stayed clean. Puck was just barely managing to hang onto her, having to deal with tantrums and fights but all of it worth it to have her back again. Despite the fighting and mood shifts Quinn had surprisingly stayed sober, although she had fought Puck on it every step of the way. He was proud of her for staying strong and felt guilty for doubting her like he had, hoping the noises he had heard weren't what they sounded like.

Puck walked into the kitchen to find Quinn's back to him, clad in one of his baggy plaid button ups as she shuffled around with something on the counter.

"Quinn!" Puck exclaimed, his small wife jumping as she turned around, "What are you-" Puck stopped as he noticed she had a pot in her hand, a wooden spoon in the other as she turned off the stove.

"Sorry," she mumbled through a smile, "I couldn't sleep and I was hungry so…" she held up the pot in her hand, shaking it lightly to show it was all she had.

"I-I just heard-"

"No liquor just Mac and cheese, swear," she said knowingly, Puck feeling guilt swell in his chest as she turned around sadly.

"I didn't mean it like-I just," he stuttered out, trying to defend his assumption but unable to, "I-I'm sorry, I need to trust you more."

"It's ok," Quinn said as she shook her head, draining the noodles in the sink while Puck stood awkwardly behind the counter, "I haven't given you much reason to." Quinn had barely slept in days, Puck fully understanding what she was going through. Her peaceful nights of drunken oblivion were now replaced with tossing and turning, Quinn no longer able to escape from the nightmares that haunted her. It panged Puck to watch her twist in her sleep, knowing how awful it was to close your eyes and only see a nightmare. He was convinced and knew though, that if she just held on she could make it through it all.

"Still, I'm working on it," he mumbled as she turned towards him, leaning against the stove while avoiding his eyes, "I promise." Quinn let out a half smile as she finally met his gaze, nodding her head as she resumed fixing her snack. Things weren't necessarily awkward between the two, but it had been odd now that Quinn was coherent. Puck had longed for a time when he would be able to laugh and play with her like they used to, missing the days when he could talk about his days and groan about work to his wife and best friend. While they were on the right track to being who they used to, both knew that it would take awhile to get comfortable with one another again.

"Well I'll let you get back," Puck said as he turned to leave, "I guess I-"

"You want some?" Quinn interrupted suddenly, spinning around to face Puck with the bowl of macaroni in her hand, "I mean I didn't know if you were hungry or-I mean I have plenty…if you want-"

"Yeah, yeah," Puck said as he seated himself at the counter, completely exhausted but not missing the moment to spend with his wife. Quinn grinned as she fixed and handed him a bowl, plopping down in the stool next to him and digging in. The two sat quietly beside one another, Puck glancing at Quinn as she swung her feet back and forth. He couldn't help but notice how good she looked, healthier and fuller then she had been in years. Puck's eyes must have lingered too long, Quinn jerking towards him and furrowing her brow puzzled.

"What?" she asked through a mouthful of macaroni, Puck grinning at how childish she looked..

"Nothing," he replied softly while shaking his head and tapping her bowl with his fork, "Eat your food." Quinn playfully nudged him with her shoulder as she resumed eating, memories flooding back to Puck of the last time they had been that way.

"I swear I don't know how you can still eat this," Puck murmured through a forkful of noodles, "I mean my God you used to lives on this stuff."

"I know," Quinn agreed, "but I can't get enough of it. Mac and cheese and-"

"-chocolate milk," Puck finished, "Weirdest craving ever." He snickered as he remembered midnight runs, Quinn shaking him furiously in the night when she was hungry and rubbing her pregnant belly while guilt tripping him into getting her food. The memory made him smile and ache all at once, wanting to reminisce but hating the pain that came with it.

"Well at least it was better than the pickles and peanut butter," Quinn said as she twirled her fork, "That was a confusing time for me."

"That was confusing for all of us," Puck smiled as another twinge hit him, the "us" referring to him and Cadence. They would sit and watch as Quinn would dip pickles in the peanut butter jar, Puck groaning in disgust as Cadence would giggle and blame baby Max. He looked to see Quinn's face fall too, obviously remembering the same memory as he.

"It's ok to remember them Puck," Quinn said lowly as she shuffled her hands nervously, "We should be able to talk about them."

"It just hurts," Puck muttered, no longer hungry as he shifted uncomfortably.

"But maybe if we actually talk about them more and more it won't," she suggested in a small voice, as if nervous to what he would say. Puck had put off their conversation for quite some time, the idea of revisiting the accident making him physically ill. He still didn't know what it was she so badly needed to talk about, but he knew it was time he did. For her at least.

"Then let's talk," Puck said as he swiveled his chair to face her, Quinn's head shooting up as he spoke.

"Really? I-I mean-"

"If its what you need, what you have to do to move on," Puck answered while nodding, "I can do that for you." Quinn sat her fork down as she too turned to face him, brushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear before speaking.

"I just want to know how you feel," she said tired, slumping a little as she asked, "I know you blame me Puck-"

"I don't blame you Quinn," Puck said as shook his head, "I told you that before, I've never-"

"Not for the accident," Quinn said as her eyes began to well up, "I mean for-for losing the baby." He watched as she wiped her eyes, Puck still unable to understand how she blamed herself.

"Quinn-"

"I remember laying there, under the car," she began as her voice cracked, "I could feel the pressure of the steering wheel in my tummy. My forehead burned so bad it was blinding and I could barely keep my eyes open. I heard this yelling coming from my left and I could see this young boy, pushing and pulling on the door to get me out. He kept yelling for me to hold on a little longer, to not worry and just hold on." Tears fell harder as she continued her story, Puck realizing he had never heard what she had been through that day.

"So as I'm laying there I suddenly feel this kick," she said as she motioned to her stomach, "This powerful, big thud in my gut that took my breath away. And as I'm laying there I realize he's still there, my baby is still alive." Puck's stomach dropped as his eyes grew warm, nausea hit him suddenly as he leaned against the counter.

"Quinn-"

"And I kept telling myself that if I stayed awake, kept my eyes open and stayed awake that he would make it," she whimpered through trembling lips, "And I tried, Puck I tried so hard but I couldn't. My head throbbed and my body ached…I tried, you have to believe me-"

"Quinn please stop," Puck said as he grabbed her hands, "Please baby-"

"And if I would've held on, just a little bit longer-"

"Quinn-"

"Then we'd still have our son," she cried out, tears streaming down her cheeks, "And I'm sorry we don't. I'm sorry I gave up and I'm sorry for what happened." Puck pulled her close as she sobbed into his chest, finally realizing why Quinn had spent so much time blaming herself.

"Quinn listen to me," he said as he pulled her away, cupping her face to make her see him, "Listen to me, alright? This is not your fault, you hear me?" She sputtered as she tried to talk, Puck sliding his thumb over her lips to make her listen.

"No, this wasn't your fault and I don't blame you, you understand?" He let her go as he slid his sleeve up, revealing the scar that ran down his shoulder, "You see this? This right here? You wanna know why I flinch when you touch it?" Quinn could only stare as she hiccupped, Puck deciding it was now time to reveal his own guilty conscience.

"Because this is my reminder of the day I didn't save my baby girl. And the pictures I walked past in the living room or passing by her open room down the hall, all of that everyday made me remember that I wasn't the protector or hero she always thought I was. I let her down and I let her go and I have this ugly thing scarred on me forever to make sure I don't forget that."

"Its not your fault though Puck-"

"Exactly Quinn," Puck said as he held her shoulders, "You and I have to let ourselves off the hook. We can't sit around and take the blame anymore. We had no control over what happened and until we accept that we'll never move on." Quinn nodded in response, Puck running his hands through her hair as she rested against his forehead.

"I'll let go if you do," he whispered to her. Quinn looked up as he continued to run his fingers over her cheeks, Quinn speaking again as he strained to hear her.

"Did you ever stop loving me?" she asked sadly, "Because I'd understand if you did ok? I was a monster and I called you awful things and did even worse-"

"Quinn," Puck said as he smiled, "nothing you could say or do would ever make me stop loving you. Nothing you got it?"

"You know I never stopped loving you either," she said as she stared at him with wide eyes like a child, "I was just so mad at myself and I felt like I was keeping this big secret from you. It made it easier to not feel guilty about it by pushing you away and forgetting about it but I couldn't hate you, no matter how hard I tried I could never hate you."

"I know sweetie, I know," Puck said as he pressed his lips against her forehead, the weight in his chest suddenly lifted. He pulled her back again and looked at her, face a mess as she shook.

"Quinn I love you," he said firmly.

"I love you too," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck, "I promise I won't keep anything from you ever again, swear."

"Same," he said as he smiled, "God our therapist would be so proud." Quinn laughed as she let go of him, Puck not having heard her do that in far too long. He watched as her lips curved into a grin and she giggled, never believing he'd see that smile again. Overwhelmed by everything he pulled her close, his lips crashing into hers as he slid his hands under her cheeks.

At first Quinn was surprised, taking a moment before she responded but soon he felt her small hands on his cheeks. Puck slid his own down her body as he tugged her closer, not having been this close to her in what seemed like an eternity. He felt her pull back to catch her breath, gasping a little as Puck pulled back. He didn't know what to do, apologize for practically attacking her or wait for her to speak. He could see she was just as surprised at him, a small smirk on her swollen lips.

"I uh," he fumbled, Quinn interrupting as she leaned back in.

"I missed you," she mumbled into his mouth, kissing him again as he held her close.


	7. Chapter 7

**First, my sincerest apologies for letting almost two months pass with no update. I hit a wall when it came to getting this chapter out and I had to take a break, collect, and make sure I didn't give you guys crap. I really am sorry but hopefully this chapter can make up for it, and I've already began working on the next few chapters so there wont be such a long span next time. Anyways, here's the next update and I hope you enjoy! Read, review, and let me know! Thanks again!**

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"And that my friend, is how you win a game of poker."

Puck groaned as Quinn laid down the two pairs in her hand, her jacks and tens completely wiping out his fours and sevens. They had been at it for an hour now, Quinn having claimed his wallet, truck keys and a week of no cooking as Puck continued on his losing streak. At first he had let her win, wanting to boost her self confidence a bit, but soon she had began kicking his ass honestly and he was now left with only a toothpick and bottle cap to his name.

"Damn it, how the hell do you keep doing that?" he asked in frustration, Quinn merely humming as she reshuffled the cards.

"A winner never reveals their secrets," she smiled, Puck now completely ok with his losses as her face lit up, "So, what are you gonna give me now?" Puck mumbled as he racked his brain, sighing as he slumped.

"I'll do the cleaning for a week too," he grumbled, Quinn wiggling in her seat as she dealt him his next set of cards.

The two had been like this for a few weeks now, things having fallen oddly back to normal. Quinn had been completely sober, her attitude and irritability having calmed down and replaced with a peacefulness. She had gotten a job working as a teller at a bank, the work keeping her preoccupied and busy so her mind didn't have a chance to wonder. Puck felt relieved at the idea of her staying active and working again, not having to worry about her being home and falling victim to a sudden urge or mood swing. He knew she was better and would never purposely fall off the wagon but he still had a fear, knowing you were never fully rid of the desire or the temptations it brought. At night they would come home, Puck always before Quinn, and spend the evening relaxing and talking about their days and plans. Quinn loved to talk and Puck loved to listen, the two spending hours on end just rambling away and laughing, the way Puck had yearned for things to be for so long.

While they were opening up more and confronting the other on their issues Quinn still had a few problems here and there. Her horrible nightmares and terrors had continued to plague her, Quinn actually able to fall asleep now but still jumping up in the middle of the night or having flashbacks when something would trigger a memory. Puck had been patient and worked with her through it, sitting up with her at night or hugging her until she calmed down. He would ask her what was wrong and if she wanted to talk but she would refuse, still keeping a few demons from their past to herself. He was proud of the progress she had made yet still worried about the things that kept her awake at night. He had wanted her to start therapy again or maybe try AA, knowing it would be nice for her to have someone else to confide in but not having found a way to go about asking yet.

"You ready for more?" Quinn asked behind her cards, a smile curving on her lips as her soft voice broke through his thoughts. Puck could see her mischievous wheels turning, probably already having found a way to beat him.

"Why not," Puck said as he picked up his cards, shuffling through them to find his hand. He pretended to be working through his cards as he watched her, taking in every little move Quinn made. She was thinking hard as her brow furrowed and her eyes shifted through each card, a stray lock of blonde hair falling into her sight as she gently brushed it back. Her lips were pursed a little while she lightly bit the bottom one, Quinn grinning a little as she organized her hand. Puck could've sat and watched her like this all day, everything she did completely fascinating him and reminding him of all the reasons he had never given up.

"How many?" she asked softly, looking towards him and breaking his stare.

"Two," Puck replied, Quinn raising her brow as she slid him the cards. She took two herself and went back to her hand, Puck feeling pretty satisfied by his hand.

"Alright, ready?"

"Show 'em sweetheart." Puck laid down his three of a kind proudly, smirking a bit as he saw Quinn's face.

"Impressive," Quinn said politely.

"I know," Puck nodded.

"No, I meant my straight," she smiled smugly, laying her hand down to Puck's horror.

"Woman are-really?" he asked baffled, Quinn clapping childishly as she picked up the cards.

"I love poker!" she cheered, Puck's jaw still on the table as she began to shuffle.

"Where the hell did you learn how to play like that?" he asked bewildered, Quinn pausing as she laughed.

"From you! Well, and Finn," she giggled, "Every Friday night you two had your stupid fight club which I was forced to sit through, followed by this. You two were stuck in a Edward Norton phase, and I'm not one to complain about Brad Pitt and Matt Damon." Puck laughed as he thought back through his memories, he and Finn thinking they were so badass because they gambled.

"We were such jackasses," he smiled.

"Were?" Puck booed as Quinn smiled, taking the cards from her hands and slinging them in her face.

"Well since you're so good at poker let's see you play fifty-two pickup!" Quinn groaned as the cards covered her and the floor, Puck stifling a laugh as a few landed down her shirt.

"Puck!"

"Quinn!" The couple began chunking cards back and forth, Quinn pouting as Puck rammed a few more down her shirt.

"Well speaking of Finn," Quinn said as she flicked a card towards her husband, "he called today and left you a message, something about this weekend and diaper duty?"

"Yeah," Puck groaned as he shoved the cards together, "I told him I'd watch Emma so he and Rachel could celebrate their anniversary." Quinn paused as she watched him pick up the remaining cards, a little startled at his sentence.

"You baby-sit Emma?" she asked surprised, Puck nodding casually as he sat back in his seat.

"Yeah, not a lot, just random weekends whenever Finn or Rach want a date night or something." Quinn raised her eyebrows as she nodded, racking her mind and trying to remember a time ever when she had seen or heard him leave.

"Why?" Puck asked when he noticed her confused face, sliding her the cards so she could reshuffle.

"No, nothing," she said as she smiled, now fully realizing just how much of a mess she had been.

"I mean do you not want me to go? I don't have to, they can get-"

"No, no it's not that," Quinn assured him, patting his hand as she grabbed the cards, "It's just that not once, not one time ever do I remember you babysitting or even leaving for that matter. I don't remember hearing you leave, waking up to find you gone, ever hearing about funny stories, nothing. I guess it just-just made me realize what a wreck I truly was." She fell silent as she dealt their cards, Puck now feeling guilty at having even brought it up.

"I'm sorry Quinn-"

"Don't be!" she insisted, "No, it's not you." Silence fell between them again as they played their hands, Quinn once again beating Puck and now winning a week of back rubs.

"Well do you think, I mean only if you wanted to of course," Quinn mumbled nervously, "but maybe I could-maybe I could come with you?"

"To babysit?" Puck asked confused, Quinn dropping her eyes as she took his response as a no, "I mean-yeah of course! No Quinn I would love you too! I just didn't know if it might be…too much?" Quinn nodded again as she avoided his eyes, knowing he was referring to her having any sort of interaction with kids whatsoever.

Ever since the accident Quinn didn't go near or have anything to do with children, refusing to go visit her own newborn nephew after her mother and sister pleaded. She had also skipped out on anything to do with little Emma as well, the little girl's smile too reminiscent of Cadence's. It was after these events that Puck had realized they would probably never have another child, his urges to Quinn now ceasing as her repulsion grew more and more everyday. He had hoped that one day she'd move on and they could try again, Puck wondering if that day was now.

"No-I mean I don't know," she said softly, "but I want to try."

"Ok," he said lowly, he and Quinn sharing a glance before looking back at their cards, " Uhm that's-that's kinda something I wanted to talk to you about." Quinn looked up as she grabbed two more cards, waiting patiently as Puck fumbled around.

"I-well-you've been doing really good Quinn, I mean not to make you sound like some child but I'm really proud of you." Quinn smiled as he spoke, watching him nervously beat his way around the bush until he got to the point.

"And-well-I want you to keep doing really good you know that, but I feel like there are some thing that maybe you don't, you know, feel comfortable telling me. Not that you're keeping secrets! And not just you, me too-"

"Puck-"

"But I just know how much this all is and while I try to be enough I might not be sometimes, and that's ok too! I get that-"

"Puck-"

"Sorry, anyways, all I'm saying is-is that if there's ever a time when you wanna talk about something and you don't wanna tell me, not that I wont be ready to listen 'cause I am-"

"Puck!"

"I think you should go back to therapy." He finally ran the words together as he blushed, praying so hard she wouldn't get upset or cry. He opened one eye up slowly to assess the scene, finding Quinn smiling and nodding her head.

"Tell you what," she said playfully, "I'll play you for it. You win, I go to therapy. I win, you make that one week of house chores two. Deal?" Puck raised an eyebrow at her, knowing Quinn had been on a streak but feeling confident about the flush in his hand.

"Deal."

"Alright, put 'em on the table." Puck laid down his cards, Quinn pursing her lips as she looked on.

"Damn, not bad," she mumbled.

"Alright, moment of truth, show 'em." Quinn looked at his face and down at her hand, a full house resting in her fingers. She could see the hopefulness in his eyes, Puck hoping he won so she would go back to their counselor. It hadn't hurt her feelings a bit, Quinn understood what he had meant, and she realized she could use the help. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Puck about her nightmares of him leaving her or the constant fear she carried that he would realize he was better and walk away, but she knew he would feel guilty. She continued looking between him and her hand, sighing as she chunked her hand down.

"I got nothing," she groaned, Puck smacking the table in disbelief.

"No way! Seriously?"

"Seriously, only had a pair," she said softly, Puck's fist shooting in the air as he triumphed.

"I mean not that I'm ecstatic you're going to therapy-"

"Puck stop," she said quickly, unable to bear another one of his rants, "It's ok, I'll go back. I'll go back because I need to…I'll go back because of you."


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews! I hope you continue to enjoy! Oh, and for those of you reading "Happily Ever After," look for an update later on today! Sorry these are late getting out, but better late than never right? Love you all!**

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"No, no! Come on sweetheart don't cry! Come on darling!"

Puck watched as Emma's bottom lip quivered, trying his best to make her laugh and stop the tears that were about to fall.

"Come on pretty girl, come on! Don't be sad, it's ok! Look at the bear, see the funny bear!"

He waved around her stuffed animal as her eyes rimmed with water, knowing she was on the verge of sobbing but praying he could stop her.

"No Emma, come on! Please darling, look at the bear! The bear doesn't want you to be sad! The bear wants you to be happy!"

Emma's lips were now trembling as they parted, the little girl letting out a shrill cry as tears traveled down her cheeks. Puck and Quinn had been babysitting Finn and Rachel's daughter for almost three hours now, trying tirelessly to satisfy the unhappy child and both failing miserably. She had started crying the minute her parents had walked out of the door, the couple completely clueless as to why but having frantically run around the house to make her stop. They tried movies and dolls, food and games, and one failed puppet show and empty toy box later, the two godparents were still at their wits end at how to satisfy her.

"Damn it," Puck mumbled to himself as she let out a howl, picking her up from her play pen and resting her against his chest, "It's ok Emma, sshh, it's ok baby." The toddler continued to wail as he sat down in Finn's recliner, rocking her back and forth in hopes of calming her down.

"Teddy bear didn't work?" Quinn asked as she walked back in, juice cup in one hand and a bag of Goldfish in the other.

"Nope, she looked at me like I was an idiot," Puck grumbled, rubbing little Emma's back as she kicked against him.

"Well maybe she's hungry now," Quinn sighed, opening up the bag and pulling out a few snacks, "Emma, sweetheart, are you hungry honey?" Puck turned the child in his lap towards his wife, Quinn smiling brightly as she moved a Goldfish in her fingers.

"Are you hungry? You want one?" Quinn cooed as she made the cracker swim, "They're really yummy, just for you!" Quinn stretched her hand out with the snacks in palm, motioning for little Emma to take one.

_"And the fish goes swish, swish, swish!"_

_"Mama fish don't say that!" Cadence laughed as she chewed her snack, Quinn furrowing her brow as she watched her little girl._

_"And how do you know what fish say?"_

_"'Cause I gots "The Little Mermaid!" And Flounder doesn't go swish, swish, swish, he goes boop, boop, boop, like this," Cadence pushed her little cheeks together as she puckered her lips, crossing her eyes and swinging her head back and forth while making her curls bounce, "See!" Quinn roared with laughter as she watched, Cadence giggling while popping another snack in._

_"Now you do it Mama!"_

_"Alright, like this?" Quinn asked, pushing in her cheeks with her fingertips while gurgling her lips._

_"You gotta smoosh your cheeks together more like this," Cadence corrected, leaning over and placing her small hands on her mother's face, "There!" Quinn rolled her lips as Cadence laughed, pulling her mothers face in and kissing her fishy lips._

_"You're funny mama, but maybe you should jut be Sebastian."_

_"Alright, alright," Quinn nodded as she kissed Cadence back, "I love you Flounder."_

_"I love you too ya big red lobster."_

"What do ya say Em, you hungry?"

Quinn turned to see the little girl staring into her hand, momentarily pausing her tears as she reached down and grabbed the fish. She examined the cracker and raised it to her lips, only to smash it down on the side table and resume her crying.

"Now that was just cruel," Puck said as he continued to rock her, Quinn shaking her head as she cleaned up the remains.

"Maybe she wants a bath or something," Quinn suggested, racking her brain of anything they had yet to try, "maybe the warm water will make her feel better?"

"Couldn't hurt," Puck shrugged as he got up, bouncing the little girl while they made their way to the bathroom. He pulled off the toddler's onesie as Quinn ran the water, grabbing the soap and a soft rubber ducky she found. Emma continued to cry as they placed her in the tub, Puck gently splashing the child and making waves while Quinn squeaked the toy and made funny faces.

"Come on Emma bug, what's wrong?" Quinn asked pitifully after the child continued to scream, Puck sinking beside the tub in defeat while she plopped down on the commode.

"Maybe she doesn't like ducks," Puck said as he flicked the toy.

"Or maybe she doesn't like you," she shot back while squeezing the duck in his face.

"Hey!" he shouted, grabbing a handful of soap and blowing it in her face.

"Stop!" Quinn squealed, leaning into the tub and splashing him back. Bubbles flew through the air as the two adults fought, splashing foam back and forth and covering themselves and the floor in soapy water.

"Wait!" Quinn said suddenly, Puck halting mid throw as she pointed in the tub, "Look!" Puck turned to see little Emma smiling, clapping her hands and giggling as she watched Puck and Quinn battle it out.

"Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me?" Puck asked in amazement, shaking his head as he splashed the child, "You like it when we fight? Of course you like the drama, you're Berry's baby." Quinn smiled as she grabbed the wash cup, dipping it into the water quietly and quickly pouring it on Puck.

"QUINN!"

"What? It makes her happy?" she responded innocently, Puck growling while wiping soap from his eyes as he jokingly pushed her.

_"Rubber Duckie you're so fine, and I'm lucky that you're mine!"_

_"Cadence the water is almost freezing sweetie, don't you think its time to get out?"_

_"No mama, I can't get out until I sing the whole song to him!" Cadence yelled as she squeezed her rubber duck, "And now that you messed me up I have to start aaaaaalllllll over again!" Quinn sighed as she leaned against the tub, Cadence beginning the first verse over as she serenaded her bath time toy._

_"Rubber Duckie, you're the one, you make bath time lots of fun!" Quinn laughed as her daughter wiggled around, splashing bubbles here and there as the soapy water covered the tile._

_"Every day when I make my way to the tubby, I find a little fella who's cute and yellow and chubby!" Cadence finished her act and stood up to bow in the tub as Quinn applauded her, foam sticking to every inch of her skin as she squirmed._

_"Mama I'm ready now, my fingers are sticking together and they look like raisins." Quinn laughed as she grabbed her pink bathrobe, throwing it around her little body and tying it tightly._

_"Now who's gonna clean up all this mess?" she asked the little girl, Cadence tapping her chin with her fingers before suddenly snapping them together._

_"I know! Let's save it for daddy! He always smells really bad when he gets home anyways, so we can let him use the soap and then he has to clean it up!"_

_"Well that's just absolutely brilliant!" Quinn said as she threw her hands up, "Why didn't I think of that?"_

_"Because I did silly mama! Now let's get out of here before he comes home and figures us out!"_

"Alright Emma, you ready to get out?"

Quinn blinked her eyes as she looked over, Puck now pulling out the wet and wiggling toddler as she yawned. Her eyelids were heavy and her cry was barely a whimper, Puck wrapping her in a towel as he hummed.

"Go ahead and take her to her room," Quinn said as he tried to wipe off soap, "I'll get this and meet you in a minute." Puck nodded as he continued to sway the little girl, leaving huge wet foot prints as he walked down the hall. Quinn sat there for a moment in the bathroom, still playing with the small duck as she tried to clear her head. Tonight had been hard, and Quinn knew it would be, but the constant memories were eating away at her and she was finding it almost impossible to bear.

She had begun therapy that past Wednesday, Puck agreeing to let her find a new therapists and start over. She had also gone back to AA as well, knowing she would need both if she wanted it to actually work this time. Puck had offered to come along as extra support but Quinn had refused, hurting his feelings a little in the process but knowing it was for the best. She was afraid of him seeing who she really was, what she really thought and all the worries, fear, and guilt she had, worried if he saw how crazy she really was he would run. Her therapist had told her that if she was ever going to get anywhere with her husband she would have to eventually open up even more than she already had and let him know everything, Quinn biting her nails in panic and wondering when that day would come.

Quinn finished cleaning up the bathroom and made her way to Emma's room, stopping outside the door when she heard a low voice. Quinn peeked her head around the door frame to see Puck gently lowering Emma into her crib, singing softly as he stroked her cheeks.

_"And they all lived happily ever after, the end."_

_"That was really pretty daddy," Cadence cooed as he closed the book, Puck bowing a little as he placed it back on the shelf. It was his night to get to tuck the little girl in, Quinn watching enviously from the hall as she smiled._

_"I try, now it's time to go to sleep ok sweetie?"_

_"Ok, but daddy?"_

_"Yeah baby?"_

_"Monsters aren't real right? Like the dragon from the story, those aren't actually real?"_

_"Of course not sweetie," Puck said as he smiled, "Dragons and witches are just pretend."_

_"But what about Santa and Tinkerbell? They're not pretend are they?"_

_"Course not! Tinkerbell is best friends with the tooth fairy."_

_"Really?"_

_"Oh yeah. They hang out in fairyland all the time, trading glitter and borrowing each other's wings like they're shoes." Cadence laughed as Puck pulled her covers up and pecked her forehead, handing her her favorite teddy bear before leaving._

_"I love you sweetie, sleep good and dream ok?"_

_"Ok…but daddy, one more question?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"If there were dragons and witches, you could take care of them all right?"_

_"Of course!" Puck cheered as he flexed his arms, "I'd take them out one by one, no sweat." Puck began swinging his arms as if he had a sword, Cadence laughing softly as he danced around her room._

_"'Cause I'm the princess right?"_

_"Exactly, and no one messes with my princess." Puck flicked on her nightlight as he switched off her lamp, ruffling her curls before turning._

_"Daddy?"_

_"Yeah bug?"_

_"If I'm the princess, does that mean mama's the queen?"_

_"Yes ma'am mama's the queen, she runs the whole show around here."_

_"And you're her king?"_

_"I sure hope so," Puck smiled._

_"So when mama has baby Max he'll be the prince right? And then we'll all live happily ever after like the story won't we?"_

_"Yep, just like the story. I love you Cadence."_

_"I love you too daddy."_

"Hey," Puck called as he turned around, Quinn walking into the room and joining him beside the crib, "She's out." Quinn watched as the little girl's small chest rose and fell, her tiny hands clenched as her small lips parted and closed.

"She's beautiful," Quinn whispered, running her finger gently over her hairline and softening down a loose curl.

"Have you-have you ever thought about it?" Puck asked nervously, avoiding Quinn's eyes as he rubbed the toddler's foot.

"'Bout what?"

"Maybe, one day, ever-you know, maybe having another one?" Quinn felt a pang of sadness in her stomach as she turned towards him, Puck's eyes filled with hope as he waited for her answer.

"I-I don't know," Quinn answered slowly, "I just-it's hard-"

"I'm sorry, forget I asked," Puck interjected quickly, shaking his head as he turned away, "I didn't mean to bring it up-"

"No, Puck it's ok," Quinn said as she placed her hand on his, "I just-I have thought about it and-it it's like every time I do I feel…guilty. Like I shouldn't be thinking about other babies because I should be thinking about my own. Like I'm gonna replace them or something and I shouldn't do that." Puck wanted to say something comforting but he couldn't, knowing exactly how she felt.

"I know that's not how it really is," Quinn added as she rested her head on Puck's shoulder, "But for now-"

"Yeah, no I know," Puck said as he leaned against her, "I understand." The two stood there as they watched Emma, Puck wishing Quinn would open up a little more while Quinn wished she knew how. She knew he wanted to know what she was thinking, what she felt, what she did in therapy, everything that she was going through he wanted to know. Quinn wanted to share, she truly did, but she just couldn't do it, not right now, not yet.

"But maybe one day," Quinn offered sweetly, Puck fully understanding that she meant it in more ways than one, "When this is all…"

"Yeah," Puck said as he pecked her forehead, "Maybe one day."


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks so much for the reviews! As always they were amazing and as always you all are amazing! I made this chapter a little longer for you guys so I hope you enjoy! Read, review, and let me know! Thanks again loves!**

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_"You got me Barbie's dream house? Holy crap I thought I was gonna have to wait for Santa Clause! Thank you mama! Thank you daddy!"_

_"You're welcome," Quinn smiled as she helped peel the rest of the pink wrapping paper off, Cadence's eyes growing wider and wider as she tore the box open._

_"And it comes with furniture?"_

_"It better," Puck grumbled, Quinn swatting at him as they pulled the doll house out._

_"Oh this is the best present ever! I have to get my Barbie dolls and show them!" Cadence darted down the hall and into her bedroom, clanging and banging filling the air as she scoured her toy box._

_"You did good daddy," Quinn cheered, setting up the miniature kitchen table and chairs._

_"Yeah, I have my moments," Puck smiled, placing the tiny plastic bed and dresser inside one of the light pink rooms, "But the problem now is how to top it next year."_

_"We'll worry about it when it get's here," Quinn patted his hand, "For now, you're playing Ken."_

"Quinn? Babe, you ok?"

Quinn closed her watery eyes tightly as she shook the memory from her mind, turning her head from Puck as she caught her breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said quickly, opening them once more and wiping the blur clear, "What-what'd you say? I'm sorry I missed it."

"Oh its fine, I just said I have Goodwill boxes on the left and trash on the right."

"Left, right, got it," she said as she nodded, keeping her back to Puck as she made her way to the closet. She and Puck had decided it was finally time to clean out Cadence's room, the decision coming from Quinn after realizing she had to stop grieving and start moving on. While she was still coping and taking it all day by day she knew if she ever wanted to start healing she had to move forward, her baby steps like looking at pictures and remembering Cadence now progressing into bigger ones like cleaning the room and talking about her in past tense.

"Quinn," Puck called as he soothed her, "It's gonna be ok."

"I know," she mumbled in response.

"We're giving away the things that were hers, not the things that made her," he said softly as he walked towards her, rubbing her back while pecking her cheek, "I know it's a big deal and a huge step, but we can take our time ok? No rush."

"Thanks," she murmured as she moved towards the clothes, waiting for Puck to leave before touching them. She ran her hands lightly across the flush of pink fabrics and shoes that filled the closet before resting her hands on a pair of pink sneakers, pulling the particular pair out and holding them in her hands.

_"Oh mommy please, please, pretty please get the pink ones! I'll just cry if I don't have them, you don't understand!"_

_"But Cadence you already have tons of pink shoes, don't you want something different?"_

_"Mommy those are different, don't you see?" the child asked as she pointed to the laces, "These strings have lady bugs on them, none of my other shoes do! So you see I have to get them mama, I just have to!"_

_"But what about these white ones? Don't you think the white ones match more of your dresses?"_

_"No," Cadence said stubbornly as she shook her head and crossed her arms, "I find them boring and unattractive." Quinn bit her lip to contain her laughter as she watched her daughter, looking down between the pink and white shoes._

_"Cadence you know what you're daddy will say if you bring home another pair of pink shoes."_

_"He'll say, "Oh look at those lady bugs, those are just the cutest lady bugs I've ever seen!" Cadence squealed as she imitated her daddy's voice, Quinn chuckling as the little girl clung to her leg, "So please mama? Can we get the lady bugs please? I promise to be really good at school and eat all my broccolis at dinner. I'll even brush my teeth before I go to bed!"_

_"I thought you did brush your teeth?"_

_"Uh…yeah, I do, I meant I'll floss," Cadence answered as if her mother were ignorant, Quinn arching her brow as her daughter covered her tracks, "So can we get 'em? Please?_"

_"Alright, we'll get the lady bugs-"_

_"YES!"_

_"But you're telling you're father."_

_"Thank you, thank you, thank you mama! Thank you so much, you're the best mama in the whole world!"_

The tears she had been holding back slid quietly down her cheeks as the image of the lady bugs became blurred, Quinn placing the tiny shoes back on the shelf and fleeing from the closet as she shook her head.

"Quinn-"

"I can't, I can't do this," she cried as she pushed past Puck, opening the bedroom door and sliding down the frame.

"Quinn-"

"I know ok? I know, I know it's time to move on and let go of those things but it's-I-those are her things Puck! Her toys, her dresses, her shoes with lady bugs because she didn't want white!" Puck slid down beside Quinn and wrapped his arm around her, leaning his forehead against hers and wiping a tear.

"Quinn it's ok to be upset, this isn't supposed to be easy so don't beat yourself up."

"I just-I wanna move on Puck, I do, but every time I try I feel guilty because I feel like I'm betraying her or being an awful mother-"

"Quinn-"

"But then at the same time I feel like I'm letting you down and making things worse because I'm stuck in this God forsaken rut so I try to-and I-it's just a mess, I'm a mess!" Puck couldn't help but smile as Quinn crumpled in his arms, rubbing her back softly while shushing her gently.

"Calm down baby, breathe," he whispered as he pecked her temple, "You're putting way too much pressure on yourself Quinn."

"I know but I just-I just want to be happy again," Quinn said exhausted, pushing herself up and wiping her face, "I just want to feel something again, anything but this ache in my chest and this pit in my stomach. I'm so tired of hurting and crying and I just want to be happy. To smile and actually mean it or to laugh and have it burn so deep your stomach aches, I miss those things, I want to be that person again."

"And you can Quinn, but you have to stop feeling so guilty about it," Puck said as he brushed her hair away.

"But I don't know how," Quinn said in a small voice, Puck cooing internally at how childlike she looked, "I-I don't know how to." Puck rocked Quinn gently as he racked his brain for ideas, coming up with one suddenly and tugging on his wife's hand.

"I do," he said as he smiled, pulling her up and in the bedroom while leading her to the closet.

"Puck please-"

"Do you trust me?" he asked as he gripped the closet door, Quinn searching his face puzzled as he asked, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course Puck-"

"Then just come with me," he said as he squeezed her hand, "Just give it a chance and I'll show you that we can make this work." Quinn stared into his eyes as he waited for her answer, her husband having tried so hard to help her and having been more patient than anyone ever had.

"Ok," Quinn mumbled as she nodded, Puck gripping her hand tightly as he pushed open the closet.

"Ok, so here's what I do," Puck said as he stared at the hanging clothes, taking a moment to wonder at the overwhelming amount of pink before selecting a dress, "I take something of hers, a toy, a book, this dress, anything, and I hold it."

"Alright…"

"And I think about her and about a good memory I have of her with it. Like this dress," Puck said as he shook it, "I hold this and I remember that time we took her to Kurt's birthday party, the one where he had that huge green cake that was about that play-"

"Wicked?"

"Whatever," Puck dismissed, "And I think about how Cadence dived into his cake and demolished it. She had green icing on her face, her hands, this dress-"

"It took me hours just to pick all of that off," Quinn said as she smiled, the image of Cadence's sticky, tinted smile flashing in her mind.

"Exactly, and do you remember what she said to us after she did it?"

"Look mama, I'm Shrek," Quinn giggled, her and Puck laughing together as they stared at the dress.

"So you see Quinn, we can laugh and smile about her, remember good things and happy memories, it's ok," Puck said as he hung the dress back up, "Don't see every thing and item as the last time she touched or wore it, think of them and the best times." Quinn turned to the other dresses as she ran her fingers along them, lightly tugging one off and staring down at the little lamb embellished on the pocket.

_"But I don't want the one with bears, I want the one with lambs!"_

_"But sweetie I can't find the one with lambs, I'm not sure where you put it."_

_"Well I'm not going anywhere until we find it." Cadence stuck her nose up in the air as she sat her bare bottom on the floor, her uncovered legs and arms crossed as she refused to move._

_"Honey church starts in twenty minutes, mommy doesn't have time to find it."_

_"Jesus will understand, after all what would he do? I think he'd find the one with the lambs mama, just saying." Quinn couldn't contain the laughter that escaped from her mouth as she doubled over, holding her stomach tightly as Cadence stared in amusement._

_"Cadence, I love you," she said as she wiped a tear of laughter from her eye, her abdomen sore as she picked the naked child up._

_"I love you too mommy but please get back to the lambs, I just can't go like this to church. Jesus forgives sinners but I don't know how he feels about nudists."_

Quinn could only smile as she rubbed her fingertips over the little white lamb, still able to feel the burn from her giggles as she thought about her daughter. It was then that she began to realize what Puck had meant, feeling a small tinge of happiness as she replayed the memory. Instead of seeing Cadence or remembering how that day was the last time she wore the dress she saw their family in the church pew, Cadence singing her alternate version of "Hallelujah" as she swung her little feet while twirling her curls. A feeling of relief and ease all settled at once as Quinn tried again, quickly hanging the dress up and picking out another. She stared down at the purple outfit and closed her eyes, focusing on and smiling at the memory of how the blue stain got there. She continued the cycle for over an hour, her and Puck going through each garment and laughing or smiling about their little girl and all the trouble or messes Puck had helped her create in them while Quinn was stuck cleaning them up.

"So that's why I found a dead frog in her pocket?"

"That's why you found a dead frog in her pocket," Puck nodded, Quinn swatting at him playfully as she reprimanded him, "What? I just wanted to see if she'd kiss it!"

"And what did she say when it didn't become a prince?" Quinn asked as she laughed.

"She got pissed and chunked it at the ground. Then it stopped moving so she wanted to "nurse it back to health," and I guess she forgot she had him in there."

"Gross!" Quinn cried out, shaking her head and shivering as she remembered finding Cadence's surprise, "That's awful!"

"So my child," Puck smiled, chunking the tiny pair of jeans into a stack they had created on the floor, "So how ya feeling?"

"Ok," Quinn said as she nodded, "I'm not gonna lie, I kind of thought you were full of crap about this but-but I kind of get it now, starting to see what you mean."

"It's just the only way I knew how to move on ya know? To kind of break the attachment." Both sat silently on the floor as they rested, Quinn eyeing the piles of clothes as Puck eyed her.

"You know we don't have to give them away," Puck said softly as he flicked the bow on one of the t-shirts, "I mean packing it all up is kind of a big deal, so maybe we'll just store it for now and then one day give them to Goodwill."

"No, no it's ok," Quinn forced out, "I think we should, I think Cadence would like that." Puck nodded as he stood up, grabbing a few of the boxes and beginning to fill them up with the belongings. Quinn stood herself to help, stopping suddenly as a loud singing filled the closet.

_"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," _rang out from beneath her feet, Quinn searching the floor to find the source, _"You make me happy when skies are gray." _A small yellow glow was shining from where Quinn had placed her foot, removing the limb to find the song coming from a small book.

_"You'll never know dear, how much I love you," _Quinn picked the small object up as she wiped it off, her face lighting up as she realized it was Cadence's photo album, _"So please don't take my sunshine away." _Quinn rubbed her hand over the pink chicken scratch that had belonged to her daughter, opening the cover to find the front page covered in doodles. She continued flipping through as her eyes lit up, candid photos and forgotten memories coming to life as she scoured each page.

Quinn quickly realized the photos had all been taking by her daughter, each a Polaroid she had sneakily snapped with her mama's old camera. Some were a little blurry and a few out of focus but that didn't matter, each having meant something special to her little girl. The first few photos were of their friends and family, some taken at birthday parties while others were captured at holidays, Quinn laughing at Finn's mid chew face and Rachel's closed eye grins. She continued flipping through to find behind those pages of photos were different ones, ones taken at home of only Cadence and her parents. A few were of Puck fixing her bicycle or coloring in one of her books, his determined face in each making Quinn laugh. Behind those were some of Quinn baking or folding laundry, the small blonde trying hard to remember those times but coming up blank. She turned past the rest of the pictures that followed, her favorite so far of her and Puck bandaging his finger after Cadence cut him with scissors, when she landed on the last, the picture making her breath hitch painfully in her throat as she looked upon it.

In the photo lay Puck and Quinn, sound asleep in their beds as morning light shined on their face. In between their resting bodies was Cadence, having squeezed her tiny frame between them and smiling widely as snapped the photo of them all. Quinn remembered how stealthy the child had been, her and Puck both having rolled over numerous times to find their daughter tangled in between their legs or snuggled into their backs peacefully. Quinn laughed and smiled as she stared at the photo, a sudden rush of relief and shock all sinking into her at once. She had done it, on her own and without Puck she had done it, finally having thought about Cadence without crying or getting emotional. She had been able to think about her little girl and remember something good, something happy and sweet, without feeling pangs of sadness or regret anymore. Sure, she still felt a tiny twinge of guilt afterwards for the feeling she was missing, but she knew this had been a step she had needed to take, one that took her out of mourning and into moving forward. Quinn quickly closed the photo album as she held it close, proud that she had finally, after all this time, felt something for her daughter besides sadness.

"Puck," she called as she made her way out of the closet, excited to share her little revelation with him as she walked towards him, "Puck, you'll never believe what just happened! Look what I found!"

"And look what I found," he replied stiffly as he turned from the bookshelf, staring down at his wife while a bottle of vodka rested in his hands.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks again for the lovely reviews! I appreciate them all and I'm glad you're all still enjoying! Keep reading and leaving me those wonderful reviews, and let me know what you all think! Thanks loves!**

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Quinn's stomach dropped as she looked at the bottle resting in Puck's hands, the glare he was sending through her and the grip his fingers had around the glass causing her to feel panicked and rushed.

"Puck please-"

"Quinn-"

"Let me explain, Puck you have to listen!" she insisted as she frantically made her way beside him, shaking her head as she pointed to the bottle, "It's not what you think! I swear, I swear!" It was now Puck's turn to shake his head as he turned away from her, running his free hand over his scalp as he groaned in frustration.

"It's old ok? From God knows how long ago, but it's old and I haven't touched it! See, the labels still sealed around the top, do you see?" Quinn continued explaining and trying to point out different things that would prove her innocence, Puck only listening half heartedly.

"And look, its completely full because I haven't touched it! Puck I promise I haven't had any, I'm sober and I have been, I swear!" Quinn placed her hands on his back as she tried to move him to face her, Puck grudgingly turning around as she stared up at him pleadingly.

"Please Puck please, you have to trust me-"

"I do-I-I want to Quinn," he said as he looked down on her, Quinn's eyes filled with hope as his filled with sadness, "I don't know if I can-"

"Puck come on! You have to, you just-you know how much I've changed, how hard I've been working-"

"Yeah, just like the last time and the last time-"

"Things are different this time, I'm different this time!"

"Do you know how many times we've had this conversation Quinn?" Puck asked exhausted as he sighed, "How many times you and I have played out this same scenario?"

"It's not the same because I'm not the same! Puck please, you can't do this!" she pleaded as tears began welling in her eyes, Quinn beginning to pull on Puck's arms and shirt as she tried to focus his attention.

"Quinn stop," Puck murmured softly as he shook his head, avoiding her eyes while staring at the bottle, "You don't get it-"

"Get it? Get what?" she asked as she pushed him, a small trail of black mascara running down her cheeks as she fought him, "No, no you can't do this to me. Not after everything we've been through these past few months, not after everything I've done to change." Puck could only shake his head as Quinn stubbornly continued to convince him of her innocence, not about to quit on him and not letting him do the same to her.

"All the things I went through for you, all the things I've struggled and fought through for you, for us, and you're just gonna give up on me?"

"Everything you've done? Everything-do you know the things I've done for you?" Puck shouted back as he grew aggravated, stepping towards Quinn as his tone changed from remorse to anger, "The changes and adjustments I made for you? You've changed for what, a few months? I had to change myself for years for you, do you even realize that?"

"Yes I do! Which is why I've become who I am now! To thank you for all those things and to prove I care! To show you how much I love you and let you know I don't want to lose you!" she argued back passionately, "So do you really think I would throw that all away? That I would come this far to lose it all?"

"Quinn-"

"I'm not the girl I used to be Puck, you know it, you can see it," Quinn managed to get out through sobs, "You know I'm better, you know I'm not drinking-"

"That's not even the point!" Puck screamed as he leaned towards her, "Yeah, ok, you didn't drink this bottle, but why is it even here in the first place? I thought you said you cleaned them all out?"

"I did-"

"So did you forget it? Or did you keep it just in case?"

"I just-I-"

"So if this one's still here then how many others are there? And how many others were there? I mean how do I know you don't have any more hidden from me?"

"I don't-"

"How do I know that Quinn? I don't because of this!" Puck yelled as he shook the bottle at her, Quinn backing away from him as he continued to yell, "You kept this from me, just like everything else!"

"What are you talking about?"

"About everything!" Puck shouted loudly, "You keep everything to yourself, all locked up and you never let me in! You don't tell me about AA, you won't even mention your therapy, I mean what am I supposed to think or know when you don't tell me about anything!"

"Oh I have opened up," Quinn snapped as her temper rose, "I have done nothing but poured my heart and soul out for you. Maybe I don't always share every detail about those appointments or meetings but if anyone, you're the one who refuses to talk about anything."

"Here we go, same argument again," Puck chuckled sarcastically as he threw his hands up, "I'm not sensitive, I'm not communicating-"

"Not about how you feel!"

"Did I not sit down with you and go through the accident play by play?" Puck asked agitated as he glared at her, "Did I not admit to feeling like a failure? Like I let you down? Come on you have to remember, there was macaroni and a kiss-"

"Don't talk down to me," Quinn shot back as she shook her head, "And no I didn't forget ok? I remember, that's not what I mean-"

"Well then please explain what you want-"

"I want you to talk about you Puck, about how you feel, what you're going through. You always put all the focus on me and my issues and you never see the ones right in front of you."

"Bullshit-"

"When's the last time you went to her grave then?" Quinn interrupted as silence fell between them, "When is the last time you went to her grave and saw her?" Quinn's question stung Puck deeply as he stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw clenching as his knuckles pressed tightly against his skin. In his mind Puck blamed his sudden nausea and overwhelming anger on Quinn and the bottle he found, but in reality it was the fact that she was right. Puck had never actually been to his daughters grave, having avoided everyone that day by standing behind a tree as he watched through blurred vision. The flowers, the black, the way the wood creaked as it was lowered into the ground, all of it had just been too much for him to take, his decision not to go something he regretted everyday.

"Don't," Puck said menacingly through tight lips as he breathed deeply, "Don't bring her-don't make that a part of this." He was on the verge of losing it as his body shook with anger, guilt from never visiting his daughter and anger over how much that made him feel like a horrible father all brimming over as Quinn argued back.

"She is a part of this! I mean isn't that what this is all about?"

"What this is all about? What this-this is what this is all about!" The bottle in Puck's hands shattered into hundreds of pieces as he flung it against the pink wall, shards of glass and liquid spraying onto the floor as the loud crack of its impact echoed throughout the room.

Silence filled the space between them as both stood paralyzed, Quinn still covering her face as she crouched in the corner while Puck and his guilt stared down at the mess covering the floor. He had regretted his actions as soon as the bottle left his fingertips, his anger and rage having smashed into the flowers that decorated the wall as he realized what he was doing. He knew he had overreacted and now he was going to pay for it, their roles suddenly reversing as he tried to apologize.

"Quinn-" The look on her face as he tried to call her down made his stomach drop and his heart break, her eyes red and glistening with fear and panic as the fury in him dissolved into grief. Her body was trembling in terror and she was completely drained of color, Quinn looking so small and fragile as she hid in the corner and braced herself for the next object to be thrown.

"Quinn I'm-"

"Get out," she mumbled weakly as she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, avoiding his eyes and bracing herself against the wall as she tried to steady her body, "Just get out." Puck carefully moved his way through the maze of glass that glittered the floor and cautiously made his way to her, trying to explain and apologize as he lightly stepped towards her.

"Quinn please, please let me-"

"Get out Puck, just please leave," she repeated as her voice quivered, scooting into what little room was left in the corner of the room, "I don't want you here."

"Baby I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry," Puck pleaded as he tried desperately to make her understand, now only a few inches away as he crouched down, "Quinn I never-"

"Go Puck, just leave," she insisted as she turned away, her arms wrapped around her legs tightly as she held herself together, "Just please leave me alone."

"I would never hurt you Quinn never, please just hear me out-" Puck lightly reached his hand out to touch her knee, Quinn flinching under his fingertips as she pushed herself and away.

"Get out! Just get out!" she shouted as her eyes welled up, Puck standing along with her as he begged her to listen.

"Quinn please-"

"Puck go-"

"Just let me explain, let me make it right-"

"Get out, just go-"

"Baby listen-"

The next smack that filled the room was the one that resonated from Quinn's hand as it slid across Puck's cheek, the sting of her ring cutting into his flesh and burning painfully as his head jerked back. Warm blood rose to the surface as cool air brushed against the slit swollen skin, Puck grabbing at his face instantly while trying to ease the throbbing.

It was now Quinn's turn to stare in shock at her sudden actions, her eyes almost as wide as her gaping lips. She looked horrified and scared of herself as she watched her husband wipe away at his cheek, small drops of crimson blood smearing down his cheek as he finally turned to stare at her. He didn't look mad and he didn't look angry as his eyes locked into hers, the expression on his face one of understanding as if he felt like he deserved her retort. Puck knew he'd gone too far and he knew he'd pushed her over the edge, now feeling worse about everything and finally deciding to give her what she wanted.

Puck swore he heard her croak out something under her breath as he headed through the bedroom door, pausing for a moment in the doorframe as he waited for her to speak up. But she never did and he never tried, Puck slowly making his way out of the still house and leaving her alone with their shattered mess.

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The chirping of crickets and croaking of frogs seemed to grow louder with every step Puck took, the night sky illuminating the path as he made his way through. After three hours of driving and only a fourth of a tank left Puck had finally decided where he needed to go, the headlights on the entrance sign having made him sick and dizzy. With every step he took he began to feel more and more nervous, his stomach having twisted itself into a painful knot as it flipped and flopped around. His hands were clammy, his legs weak, and a lump the size of a rock had formed in his throat, his anxiety only growing worse as he finally approached his destination. It was as if the wind had been knocked out of him as he suddenly found it hard to breathe, his body frozen and immobile as his feet halted him in place. His eyes were burning painfully hot as he rubbed them hard with one of his white knuckles, his heartbeat now the only noise he was able to hear as he approached her.

The moon glinted off of the marble brightly as it illuminated her name, Puck's hand trembling ferociously as he reached out to touch it. The stone was cold and smooth as it slipped under his hand, nothing like the child who rested beneath it. His lips quivered as they held back a sob, his fingers now digging into the engraving of her birth day. He knew he should speak and say something to her, but his words didn't form and his thoughts couldn't process as his eyes wandered over the headstone. He knew he owed her an explanation or some sort of apology as to why he had never been to see her, sputtering and inaudible noises the only things escaping as his knees sunk into the ground. And there, in the dark and all alone, Puck finally did what Quinn had been wanting the whole time and grieved over the loss of his child. He cried for the life she had and the life that was taken away, for the moments he got to hold her and for the ones he never would, for the memories he replayed of her every day and the ones they had never gotten to make. He let go of his need to be brave for his wife and his regret over not protecting them, everything he'd ever built up or buried deep slipping away down his face as he finally mourned for little Cadence.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you guys so much! The reviews and feedback have been nothing but wonderful, I appreciate so much! Anyways, here's the next chapter loves! Only two more left, but I know you'll enjoy!**

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The sun had just begun peeking over the horizon line as Puck pulled into his drive, the morning sun shining brightly onto the lawn as he put his truck in park and shut the engine off. He sat there for a moment as he debated what to do next, his mind running through all the scenarios that could occur. He thought about running inside and begging for forgiveness, clasping his hands and hitting his knees as he apologized for being such a fucking asshole. He pictured her joining him and them hugging it out, her trying to speak and him trying to speak as they both clung to the other, each so grateful everything would be ok. He then thought about if he didn't act like such a pussy and was just straight up, not wanting to come off as some sort of panzy bitch but needing her to know he did care. Would she think he was an asshole though? And what if she didn't forgive him? Or what if she was gone, all his worrying for nothing as she had already left him? Sure her car was still there in the drive but what if Rachel or Tina had come and taken her away from him? Off to some place better for her and farther from him, the idea making him sick as he leaned against the window. Anxiety continued to gnaw on his nerves as he slowly climbed out of his truck, Puck figuring he just needed to suck it up and go inside to find out what would happen next.

He was rehearsing his speech as he walked through the front door, the house silent and still as he surveyed the living room. Everything was eerily in tact and undisturbed as he made his way through the living room, no evidence of any sort of fight having occurred or his wife anywhere to be found as Puck walked down the hall. His heart was pounding heavily now as he continued rambling to himself, trying to figure out if he should start with, 'I'm sorry," or, "Forgive me," while approaching the first bedroom door. He grasped the knob tightly as he slowly turned it open, pushing on the door to Cadence's room as quietly as possible before poking his head through.

Quinn, the boxes they had packed and the glass that had shattered onto the floor were all missing as Puck stepped inside the tiny room, his eyes searching frantically for some kind of clue as he rubbed his foot over the freshly cleaned floor. He felt sadness overwhelm him as he noticed the stain that had been left on the wall, a small dent in the flowered pattern from where his anger had gotten the best of him. He couldn't begin to understand how he could've lost control like that, the idea that he had done so in his daughter's room tainting everything around him. He quickly shuffled out and closed the door as he headed down the hall, his insides tightening as he made his way to their bedroom. He sighed as he stood yet again in front of another mystery door, his stomach making some sort of gurgling noise as he made himself push on the knob. Puck looked around slowly as he entered their bedroom, scanning every inch of their room and finding his wife nowhere in sight. The room looked untouched as he noticed the bed still made and the blinds still shut, wondering if she'd even slept at all as he ran his hand along the covers.

Puck retreated back into the hall as shut the door behind him, grumbling under his breath about how much of an asshole he was when a small tinkling noise caught his ear. He turned to his right to see a light shining under the bathroom door, Puck's hope fully restored as he scrambled towards it and burst inside. In one hand she held a broom and in the other a dustpan, Quinn shaking the small glass bits and shards into the trashcan while sniffling lightly. Puck couldn't begin to describe how he felt as he watched her bolt upward, the sound of his abrupt entrance catching her off guard. Her eyes were still watery and red as puffiness surrounded them, her hair hanging in them loosely as she connected with him.

Maybe it was the fact that she was still there waiting for him or the fact that he had come back to fight for her, but something sparked the minute the two laid eyes on the other. Their fighting and screaming, years of mistrust and guarded walls all fell away suddenly as they lunged at the other, Puck grabbing her waist and jerking her forward while Quinn yanked his neck down so her lips could capture his. Neither knew what had come over them as they flung themselves against the wall, the moment heated, passionate, and the closest the two of them had been in years.

Puck's mouth was making it's way over her neck as his hands trailed down her body, Quinn leaning her head against the wall and breathing deeply as she dug her nails into his back. She hadn't expected this or anything like it to happen anytime soon, but the way his hands felt against her hot skin now made her wonder how'd she'd gone so long without him.

"You want this?" he asked suddenly as he dug his fingertips out of her hips, remembering her hesitance and fear from the many times they'd tried long ago.

"I want you," Quinn answered breathlessly as she pulled him back in, the small smile on her lips and glint in her eye more than enough for Puck as he smothered her once more. Shoes, belts, buttons and shirts were all scattered along the floor as they slammed and pushed their way into to the bedroom, Puck trying to be gentle as he flung his wife's body down onto the bed, excitement and anticipation taking over.

"_God_ I missed you," Puck groaned into her chest as his tongue darted beneath the fabric of her bra, Quinn writhing beneath him anxiously while her fingers clawed at his t-shirt.

"I missed you too," she bit out before moaning his name loudly, his hands having removed the garment swiftly as his mouth enveloped one of her breasts. Puck continued moving his lips down her body but quickly stopped above her naval, grinning a little as he kneeled at the end of the bed and yanked her body towards him while parting her legs. Quinn pushed herself up on her elbows as he drug her panties off, returning once more to her body and teasing her slowly as he slid his tongue agonizingly down her thigh. The slow pace of his movements almost drove her insane as her body moved erratically, her legs jerking and her hips quivering with every stroke he made. She could feel him smiling against her skin as he shot her an seductive glance, the presence of his lips against her thigh now gone as he moved them deeper between her legs. Quinn screamed loudly as she arched against his mouth, releasing the clenched sheets from within her fingers as she reached down to grab onto one of his shoulders and steady herself. But the instant her skin came in contact with his Puck flinched against her, backing away quickly as the moment and all focus on his tongue and her body were lost. At first Quinn was confused as she sprung up suddenly to see if he was ok or what she had done, quickly noticing the morning sun shining brightly on the long, jagged scar that covered his shoulder. Realization dawned as she scooted towards him, Puck growing flushed with embarrassment as he tried to shrug it off.

"Sorry-" Quinn cut him off abruptly as she pulled him closer, her eyes focused on his as she slid to the edge of the bed and moved her face towards his shoulder. She looped her left arm under his right as her other hand rested on his chest, Puck still kneeling in front of Quinn as there bodies touched. She then gently took her fingertips and began running them over the faded line that decorated his broad shoulder, leaning down slowly and pressing her lips against it while leaving a trail of tender kisses. She then moved to his chest and noticed the small nicks and old cuts that adorned his pecks and abdomen, her lips kissing each one as she rubbed her hand over them. She didn't know exactly why she'd chosen to do it or what he thought about it, but Quinn was hoping to show Puck she didn't care about the scars on his body at all, and that she wasn't holding onto that day or those memories anymore.

She had just finished kissing his collar bone when she felt Puck shift, his arms wrapping around her as his eyes stared into her. Neither said anything as they fell back onto the bed, Puck shaking off his hesitance and placing Quinn's hands firmly back on his shoulders. He stared at her for another moment before pecking the spot on her forehead, Quinn throwing the covers over them smoothly before taking him beneath them with her.

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Afternoon sunlight danced across Puck's skin as he shifted his body under the covers, Quinn watching his eyelids flutter lightly as he slept. She couldn't remember the last time things had been this peaceful, this perfect, watching her husband shuffle contently beside her as his body heat warmed the bed. She took one of her hands and gently began tracing random patterns and lines on his back while he slept, her fingertips tapping lightly over the small freckles and worn scars that were scattered across his shoulder blades. She could honestly and without a doubt say she loved every part and inch of her husband, rubbing her hand up and down his smooth back as she examined him.

"Morning," Puck mumbled sleepily as his eyes fluttered open slowly, Quinn caught off guard by his voice as she slid her hand off, "Or afternoon I guess."

"Sorry, I-"

"S'okay, keep going," he murmured as he moved her hand back casually, finally comfortable enough to let her touch him and smiling sheepishly when she did so, "Feels good." Quinn continued rubbing his back as he scooted closer, his forehead nuzzling hers as he forced his lids open.

"Wasn't exactly how I saw things going," he whispered lowly as his hand caressed her cheek.

"What do you mean?" Quinn asked politely as she moved her hand to his jaw line.

"I mean this, apologizing…I had an actual speech ya know."

"I bet you did," Quinn laughed as she caressed his cheek, Puck nodding defensively while pulling her close.

"I totally did, with words and sentences and everything."

"Uh huh," Quinn hummed as Puck scoffed, wrapping his arms around her quickly before pulling her into his embrace, "OK, ok, I believe you!"

"Good," he smiled happily as he rested his face in the crook of her neck, Quinn's back resting against his chest as they laid beside one another.

"Really though, I'm sorry," Puck apologized in her ear as his tone changed, "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusion like that. You've changed, you really have, and I should have showed more respect and trust in you and let you actually speak."

"I understand Puck, I really do," Quinn replied as she rolled over to face him, "I shouldn't have kept that stupid bottle in the first place. I wasn't honest then and for me to have done that and then expect you to believe I was honest now, it's laughable."

"No it's not Quinn, no it's not," Puck shook as he cupped her face, "And I do believe in you, I always have, I just need to let all that go so we can move on."

"And I need to realize I'm not the only one who's having to deal with a lot. I know what you've gone through for me Puck, all the things you've battled alone and had to put up with. I appreciate what you've done for me, honestly I don't know where I'd be without you, and I swear I don't take any of those things for granted."

"I know babe, I know. And I realize that I have to let go of those past situations so we can move and trust each other, but I need to work on my issues too so they stop interfering-

"With mine?" Quinn smiled as she tried to joke, "I shouldn't have said that to you, about Cadence, I shouldn't have even brought that up and I feel horrible-"

"Don't, you were right," Puck grumbled as he sighed, "Its easier to fix you than myself and it's easier to point out your mistakes and not my own. But I-I tried to change that."

"How?" Quinn asked puzzled as she leaned up and rested on her elbow.

"I-I went there," Puck answered as he avoided her eyes, "I went to see her." Quinn sat straight up as her mouth fell open, Puck avoiding her eyes as he fumbled with the covers.

"You went there? To the ceme-"

"Yeah, last night," he nodded slowly as he looked up, "And honestly, I feel-I feel better." Quinn stared at him puzzled as he sat up and joined her, trying to find some way to explain what he meant as he fumbled around.

"I don't feel guilty anymore, ya know? Carrying the weight of avoiding her…and now that I went and I saw, it's real. She's gone, she ain't coming back, but she's safe there so it's ok." Quinn pulled her knees that were still under the covers up to her chin, resting her head on them lightly as she rubbed Puck's arm.

"You sure you're ok? I never meant to make you-"

"No, I'm glad you did," he reassured her as he patted her hand, "Without you I don't think I would've gone, probably would still be avoiding it and feeling guilty." Quinn smiled as she intertwined her fingers in his, Puck kissing them gently before speaking again.

"When's the last time you went, you know, to see her?"

"Yesterday," Quinn answered as she smiled, Puck's face making her laugh as he stared in disbelief.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I go every morning," she explained, "Well, except this one, but yeah, every morning I go and take her flowers. They don't keep up the grounds like they used to so I clean her headstone off and make sure it's shiny. I talk to her, sometimes about how I miss her and sometimes about you. And some mornings I don't even say anything at all, just sit there with her while the wind blows until I feel better." Puck sat there stunned as Quinn continued playing with his fingers, never having known his wife had ever kept up with their daughter like that.

"Well maybe-maybe I can go with you some day," he offered as she looked up, her face lighting up as her smile widened.

"I'd like that," she nodded, "And maybe-maybe after you'd go with me?"

"Go with you where?" Puck asked confused.

"To counseling," she replied lowly, "I think-I want you to go with me, please." Puck wouldn't have believed her if he hadn't of heard it with his own ears, the first time Quinn had ever wanted him to join her.

"You sure? I won't be invading?"

"You're willing to do all that for me and open up like that, I guess I can do the this for you and let you in too." Puck's grinned matched her own as he pulled her in his arms, the two of them snuggling together as they relaxed.

"We're gonna make it after all huh?" Quinn asked as she looked up at Puck, her husband snorting as he ran his hand through her hair.

"Yeah, we're gonna be just fine."


	12. Chapter 12

**Ya'll are the sweetest, thank you so much for the reviews! One more chapter left, but I know you'll love them both! Keep reading and reviewing, thanks again!**

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"Welcome all!"

Puck adjusted uncomfortably in his metal seat as he shuffled his hands back and forth, looking around the small white room as he observed the people moving to and fro. He and Quinn were currently waiting for her AA meeting to start, Puck having taken Quinn up on her offer to join her. He could tell that his presence made her nervous and a little jittery as she rambled anxiously the whole way there, still insisting he go despite her nerves. She knew that Puck had taken strides for her and that now it was her turn to do the same, her palms having been sweaty and clammy as she led him into the room.

"How ya doing?" she asked softly as she returned with two cups of coffee, Puck looking up and taking his as he offered her a smile.

"Doing great," he responded as he sipped from his cup, looking over at Quinn and noticing her shaky hands, "How about you?"

"I'm good," she answered lowly as she looked back, Puck smirking a little as she shrugged, "I am, I am, I promise, just-just wondering what you're thinking."

"I think that this is great," Puck answered as he smiled, "That I'm glad to be here with you. And I think you should relax a little because I'm not scared by any of this."

"It hasn't even started," Quinn laughed nervously, Puck dismissing her as he shook his head.

"Doesn't matter," he said firmly as he stared into her eyes, "I'm not going anywhere. Promise." Their attention was shifted back suddenly as a woman stood in the center of the group, the crowd now silencing slowly as she began to speak.

"Welcome back everyone, hope you're weeks were well," she said sweetly as she smiled, even Puck feeling at ease as she gracefully turned to speak to them all, "Now for this week we won't be having a guest speaker to lead us in, so I'm opening the floor for volunteers to come forth and share your experiences. Remember please, open minds, open hearts." Puck furrowed his brow a little at the last line as Quinn nudged him with her knee, the two sharing a silent laugh as they waited for someone to speak.

"I guess I'll go," a surprising voice called form the back, every head turning as a large, burly man stood and began walking to the center.

"So how exactly does this go?" he asked lowly while leaning into her, "I mean she opens the floor and…"

"And then whoever feels the need to share can get up and talk. Sometimes people retell the stories of how they got here or sometimes they just talk about their weeks and the temptations they might have faced. It sounds odd and invasive, but it actually helps to talk it out with people who understand."

"You've gone before?" Puck asked surprised as he arched his brows, Quinn nodding lightly as she blushed a bit.

"Yeah I actually have. Not a lot, just once or twice, but both times I felt like this weight had been taken off my chest or something. Like I was understood and accepted…I don't know, it just worked." Puck smiled a little as she nudged him to turn back to the front, the man having volunteered to go first now in the middle of the room.

"That's George," Quinn whispered in Puck's ear as he watched the man intently, "He's been coming for eight years now."

"Eight years? He hasn't gotten better?" Puck asked confused, Quinn smiling as she shook her head.

"No, he is better, but the meetings aren't just for helping to get you sober, they help you stay that way too." Puck thought it over as he nodded, looking over as George looked around the group and coughed a little before speaking. He started talking about his job and the stresses he'd been going through all week, complaining about his boss, the workload, and how much pressure he was under. He cracked a joke or two about the economy and then how his family had suffered and so on, informing the group of his urge to take the edge off with a drink but remembering his wife and kids. Puck smiled a little as the other man smiled, explaining that his family was the reason he was there and that he'd never forget that. He finally finished up and received a few pats on the back and claps as he returned to his sit, Puck having found himself actually relating to the guy more and more with every word he said.

"I like him," Puck mumbled under his breath as he looked back at Quinn, "I mean he seems like me, like a regular guy."

"Addicts aren't aliens Puck," Quinn chuckled.

"No, I mean I know that," he said as he sighed, "But I don't know I guess-I guess I had this picture of what'd this be like, the atmosphere ya know?"

"Well what'd you expect?" Quinn asked as another person volunteered to go, Puck fumbling around as he chose his words delicately.

"I guess I just thought it was something you did. You got over it, you did some meetings and called it a day. Like this whole thing was just something you got through. But now I see it's more than that, it's a process and this journey you have to be on for the rest of your life, and I'm sorry I didn't understand you like they do." Quinn linked her arm into his as she rested her head on his shoulder, the two of them sitting back silently as they listened to different people talk. Some talked about the reason they were there and some talked about the relapses they suffered, Puck growing more and more astounded as he heard each person's story and struggles. He couldn't help but feel guilty as he watched them each come and go across the floor, finding a piece of himself in each of them as they opened up to the group.

"Thank you, thank you so much," their counselor spoke as she stood up in front of the group, "Now we're almost done for the day, but is there anyone else? Anyone else who'd like to speak?" A silence hung over the room as all of them looked around for the next volunteer, a shifting of pressure against Puck's side alerting him to look over. Quinn was standing slowly as her delicate hand raised in the air, Puck immediately growing goosebumps as he watched her timidly speak.

"I'd like to," she almost whispered as she looked around the room, the counselor's face filled with surprise as she gestured to the front.

"Of course," she said happily as she stepped aside, Quinn slowly walking over as Puck watched in awe.

"Hi," she said sweetly as she offered a small wave, her hands held together in front of her body as if she was trying to hide behind them, "I know I don't really talk much but today's kinda special for me." Her eyes were glued to Puck as she spoke, his presence there giving her a new found confidence that everyone could see as they followed her gaze.

"My husband Puck came today, yeah that's him," she pointed proudly as she blushed, "And uhm, and it's the first time I've ever let him so it's kind of a big deal for me." Finally the others turned around as they faced back to Quinn, listening intently as she began.

"See I've never invited him or had him come with me, not because I didn't _want_ him here or something, but because I was scared. I was terrified of what he'd think about me if he actually knew who I was or the things I thought and felt. That he'd see how twisted and broken I was and just deem me this lost cause, but now looking back I think he knew me better than I ever knew myself." Puck could tell she was already growing emotional as her eyes grew misty and her voice cracked a little, her hands now fidgeting a tad as she continued.

"The reason I'm here is because I'm an addict, and I've never been able to admit that to myself. I used to say I was here because I lost my children, because I caused our accident or because my husband didn't understand me, but I can honestly and truthfully admit that I'm here because I have a problem." She paused for a second as she looked down at the floor, gathering herself together as she looked back up with a tear on her cheek.

"After the accident I had this hole in me, this gaping, black void in my heart that I couldn't fill. Not that I wanted to anyways because a life without my kids isn't a life at all, and I felt guilty about wanting to let them and their memory go. So instead of trying to move on I passed the time, everything that I did just making this whole bigger and deeper inside me. I shut out my family, my friends, my husband…" Puck bit his lip to keep it from trembling as he watched his wife come undone, her need to keep composed gone as she poured her heart out.

"Because all those things and those people, they reminded me of my kids. My daughter was six and her smile was just like my husbands, I mean down to the corners of her mouth she was his. So when I looked at him all I saw was her, and the life we could've had and the life we should've had. And I would get so mad at him for looking like her and I'd get so frustrated with myself for being mad at him. Everything just intertwined and spiraled and the only way I thought I could escape was to blur through it. Because if I didn't feel then I wouldn't hurt and if I didn't hurt then I wouldn't be reminded of why I was so sad." Puck's eyes burned hot as he leaned back in his chair, blinking frantically with his lids as he kept the moisture back.

"But even when I was escaping my problems or hiding from myself there was always one person I couldn't lie to, one person who could always find me beneath everything. And it was because of him, because of his persistence and because of his determination that I'm able to be here today." Quinn looked back to Puck as she gave him her biggest smile, her face lit up like morning despite the tears that ran down it like rain.

"Even though he was just as hurt as I was, and even though he had just as much pain to carry and grief to hold he still held onto me even when I let him go. He pushed me and fought me, even when I gave him no reason to love me at all he found one. He fought for me when I long ago gave up the fight and he's carried me all the way, encouraging me and helping me. He made me realize that life, even as unbearable as it seems, will go on. That I can be ok and I can live my life without becoming my own enemy. I can laugh now and I can smile now and I don't feel guilty or bad, because my husband showed me how. He told me earlier that he thought of this as a journey, and I'm the luckiest woman in the world to have someone like him hold my hand through it. I know am who I am because of him and I'll never be able to repay him for what he's given me." Puck buried his knuckle into the skin under his eye as he wiped away the feeling he cuoldn't hold back, never having known or realized how much Quinn had really cared all along.

"I will always have an ache in my chest, and my heart will always be shattered for the loss of my children," Quinn said strongly as she wiped her cheek, "But in that void is where I'll keep their memory, and someday I know I'll be whole again." She sighed a little as she sniffled, her face still damp as she finished.

"I guess uh, I guess that's my story," she laughed a little as she swayed, looking throughout the faces and seeing many of them matched her own, "And I'm glad I'm still here to tell it." She offered another small wave as she walked back to her seat, the applause she received the loudest of the meeting.

"I think that's a great way to end today's meeting," the counselor winked as she began dismissing the people, "We'll see you next week, thanks for coming." Puck stood just as Quinn found her way back to him, his arms wrapping around her so tightly but Quinn couldn't have cared less.

"I don't even, I don't even know what to say," Puck sputtered as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, still holding onto as much of her as he could while she rubbed his neck.

"That you love me and won't ever change," Quinn smiled as she moved to face him.

"Swear," he mumbled into her forehead as he pressed his lips against it, Quinn closing her eyes in comfort as she rested against him.

"You-you helped me change too Quinn," he said into her ear as he kissed her cheek, "You made me a better man, better person." They stood there a little longer before Quinn noticed they were the only ones left, laughing a little as she pulled his hand into hers.

"Think you might wanna go home with me?" she asked jokingly as she tugged on his hand.

"I'll go anywhere with you Quinn."


	13. Chapter 13

**I have to say I thoroughly loved writing this story! It's been one of my favorites and I thank all of you for reading and enjoying it as much as I did!**

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"Quinn, where's the rest of the paint?"

"I don't know!

"Do you have the brushes?"

"No!"

"How about the border?"

"Puck!"

Quinn groaned to herself loudly as she walked down the hall, her shouting match with her husband having stained her voice. The two were currently in the middle of redoing the bedrooms and things hadn't exactly been going well, the walls in Cadence's old room now having more holes and less paint.

"Honey, I love you but you suck at remembering shit," Puck smiled as she entered the room, shaking his head and slinging a little paint at her.

"Well don't you look attractive," she grinned as she rubbed a few paint specks from his forehead, Puck biting at her finger before turning back to the wall.

"Ok, so there's this green, and then there's this green. There's also this green that looks the exact same, as well as this one here." Quinn furrowed her brow as she snatched her swatches up, pointing her nail between them to show the difference.

"Honey this one is lighter, and this one is brighter, and this one here had a hint of blue." He stared down at the colors for a moment and then back up to his wife, shrugging casually before grabbing a brush.

"They look green to me." The swatches flew into the air as Quinn tossed them at Puck, her husband laughing and cooing as she turned to leave, "Baby, I'm sorry come here."

"No, you don't wanna hear me out fine, just paint the damn thing puke green."

"Babe now come on-wait, which one looks puke to you?"

"The one you picked out," she snapped quickly, Puck's hand finding his heart as he rested it there.

"That hurts me, that hurts me so much."

"Puck-"

"No seriously, I was like, about to launch a career in the interior decorating world," he joked mockingly as he raised his voice, "And now you have like, totally crushed my dream." Quinn stared at her husband angrily as her mouth clenched, her eyes darting to the corner and back to him.

"Quinn-" But before he can finish his sentence she's into the corner and turning around, green paint sailing through the air as it smacked him in the face. It covered the walls, his clothes, the floor and the windows, Puck growling and flinging it off angrily as he turned to her.

"You're dead!"

"Gotta catch me first!" Quinn flew out the bedroom door as Puck slipped and slid behind her, his feet leaving green tracks through the house as he ran down the hall and into the living room.

"Puck the capret!"

"Quinn you're dead!"

Her scream filled the house as she tried to wiggle past him, the two jerking back and forth behind the couch before he caught up.

"Puck!" The two of them crashed into the couch as his hands gripped her tightly, Quinn still giggling and smiling as she caught her breath, "You suck!"

"You wished," he groaned in her ear as he nibbled the lobe, Quinn adjusting in his lap as she turned to face him.

"You know it's a good color," she said brightly as she rubbed a bit off his nose, "I think it's my favorite."

"Oh of course it is, because we don't have any now!" he complained as he tickled her sides.

"Guess you'll have to get moooore," she sang happily as she rested her forehead against his, paint smearing across her own as he rubbed against her.

"Not a problem," he winked sweetly as he slid his hand down from her cheek to her stomach, the swell underneath her shirt thudding back hard, "While I'm out-"

"Cookie dough and Doritos."

"Right on." He sprang up from the couch as Quinn kicked his backside with her foot, green paint soaking the couch and now her body as she laughed.

"You're gonna have to clean the tub when you're done showering," she shouted as he disappeared down the hall, Puck backtracking for a moment before he motioned around the room.

"Yeah, the hall, the living room, the couch, but you're worried about the tub?"

"Screw you!"

"After the cookie dough and Doritos…actually we can go now if you want, your breath kind of reeks-" His face met with a pillow as Quinn gasped at his accusation, covering her mouth while whispering lowly.

"My breath doesn't smell! Does it?"

"I'll be in the shower."

"I hate you!"

"I love you!"

Quinn smiled to herself as she turned back around on the couch, looking over at the bright green mess and sighing. She knew she should probably clean up the mess or do something of use but she was too happy to care, her body relaxed and feet propped as she closed her eyes.

Things had been this way for awhile now, her and Puck having been this way. They were happy, actually happy, and solely because of them. They had worked, fought, and suffered through every obstacle and had finally made it through. Quinn felt entitled to the happiness they had finally achieved and she appreciated every moment of it, her days of dwelling and guilt having been replaced now with acceptance and understanding.

She looked down at her stomach as she rested her hands on top, rubbing small circles through the fabric as she sighed. A year ago if you would have asked Quinn about having another baby she probably would have broken down and cried at the mere thought, the idea of replacing her children one that had plagued her night and day. But now that it had happened and they were expecting their little boy she couldn't feel anything but bliss and joy, having realized that her and Puck were allowed to move on. They were starting a family, not a new one, but merely adding to the one they already had, and Quinn couldn't have been more excited.

"Alright, I'm going," Puck called as he emerged from the hall, body still wet and shirt clinging to him as he grabbed his shoes, "Anything else you think you want?" Quinn couldn't help but smile as she shook her head, leaning over to her husband and pecking his cheek.

"Nope, I've got everything I could ever want."


End file.
